Ted Stevens–Melon Crazy!

If Sen. Ted Stevens (R., Alaska) keeps on the way he’s going, he may soon have enough material for a stand-up act. Last year it was ‘Net neutrality, trucks and tubes:

I just the other day got, an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

“Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially.

“… the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck. It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand those tubes can be filled, and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.”

This year, it’s motorcycles and wirelines. From the Senate Commerce Committee hearing on number portability yesterday:

Stevens: Let me be just the devil’s advocate here. Could I just decide I want to keep my wireline and I want to add wireless to it? Can I have two providers on the same number?
Answer: … um, I don’t think that technology exists right now.
Stevens: If I had an IP phone, by definition, I’d have to leave the wire… wireline phone to use it?
Answer: I think that is the case with the technology today.
Stevens: Is it coming? Why shouldn’t I be able to say, just by a little switch on my phone at home that’s wired, I’m going off on the wireless now, I want to use this as I ride my motorcycle. … I’m bad. Pardon me.

See what I mean? Comedy gold. Give him a few props and he’d be giving Gallagher a run for his money …