Kara Swisher

Recent Posts by Kara Swisher

Twitter Business Plan Count-Up: Day 1!

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Today, Twitter’s investors are in rainy San Francisco for a board meeting of the hyped microblogging service, where they will presumably discuss revenue options that the start-up keeps promising are coming soon.

In fact, Twitter co-founder Biz Stone said about a month ago in a blog post that “we hope to begin iterating on revenue products this year.”

Right now, Twitter has no revenues.

No-Biz-like-No-Biz Stone added: “We are still very early in the idea stage and we don’t have anything to share just yet despite a recent surge in speculation. When we do, we’ll be sure to let you know.”

Well, why wait? As with BoomTown’s 100-Day Yahoo (YHOO) Countdown, which was initiated here after former Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang said he was taking that many days to rethink Yahoo from top to bottom, it’s just about time for a Twitter Count-Up!

Here’s the idea: Because Twitter’s execs have been so poky about coming down from the mountain and delivering this alleged business plan to the waiting masses–I suppose all those investment dollars in the kitty can make one softer in the head–why not come up with some suggestions to get the ball rolling?

Thus, my first idea is simple, taking advantage of the excessive hype around Twitter in the media, which are acting as if being able to tweet 140 characters is the second coming.

The plan would be to charge pundits, television anchors, bloggers, Barbara Walters and anyone else, a small microfee every time they mention Twitter in the vain hope of seeming hip, happening and relevant.

Just imagine the bucks that will roll in once Oprah figures this Twitter thing out and starts to give it the same treatment she has given Skype!

And in case you need reminding about just how obsessed the media are with Twitter, which is still relatively small in comparison to other services in relation to its coverage, let’s roll the hysterical Jon Stewart video on it from earlier this week on “The Daily Show,” below.

Explaining the Twitter phenomenon to Stewart, Samantha Bee tried to put her finger on why the media (and Congress too) were so fixated on it.

Her take: “Because we’re rotting corpses grabbing for any glimmer of relevance, Jon, hoping at some point one of these retarded things will be the vine that can rescue us from this quicksand.”

Monetization of desperation? Ka-ching!


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When AllThingsD began, we told readers we were aiming to present a fusion of new-media timeliness and energy with old-media standards for quality and ethics. And we hope you agree that we’ve done that.

— Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg, in their farewell D post