Kara Swisher

Recent Posts by Kara Swisher

A BoomTown Contest: Let's Figure Out a Name for the New Apple Tablet! (Not That Steve Jobs Cares What We Think!)

contest

With the spate of recent rants about all that’s wrong with Apple–although I will admit it is mildly amusing to read all the labored recountings of the longtime devotion from ex-fanboys, followed by the scales falling off the eyes to be quickly replaced by crocodile tears–BoomTown wonders exactly when the bizarre emotional connection some have with the computer company is going to end.

Well, never, I guess, because then it wouldn’t be the cult it is, would it?

And anyway, the pendulum will swing once again, and soon, to favor Apple (AAPL) once the drumbeat gets even louder on the wildly different rumors about the new tablet device that many are predicting will be delivered from on high sometime by–in the most likely and juicily dramatic scenario–CEO Steve Jobs.

Since it is Apple, who knows what they are up to and when?

But, in the interests of relieving boredom, I suggest we move on from the dead-horse issue of the Google (GOOG) Voice app–including the breathless anticipation of a new “war” between Jobs and Google CEO Eric Schmidt, a relationship that moved from bromance to frenemies to one of those lady-fights from “Dynasty” pretty quickly–to more enjoyable late-August frivolities.

Like trying to guess the name that Jobs will ultimately bestow on the tablet.

Here are my thoughts on the various possibilities:

iTablet: This seems the most likely name since it is simple, descriptive and sounds kind of catchy.

Apple always seems to go for the most obvious names and this is certainly it.

The downside is that it also sounds a little medical, like something you might take for indigestion.

But, I am sure some cute commercials will solve that acid reflux pronto.

iPad: Maybe it’s just me, but this sounds like some sort of feminine product.

Except in a scary way.

And iPad Touch, as some have suggested, is much, much worse.

I know the idea is that it is a pad-like device, but it also calls to mind a pad of paper, which feels really old too.

iBooklet: Don’t laugh. Okay, do.

But, it is not the worst idea to take an existing successful product and extend from it.

While the iBook is aimed at the less expensive computer buyers, the new tablet device seems to be a less expensive product for those who spend a mint on other Apple offerings.

iAmnotanetbook: Too long?

iAmakindlekiller: Too obvious?

iWillcallitwhateverthe#@*&ilike: Too much Jobs-channeling?

Whatever Apple does end up calling the innovative new product–which I am already in line to buy–it’s certain to be covered more than, say, critically important national and international issues, such as the health care debate.

So, until this one more thing debuts, perhaps the best name for it will be the most obvious of all: iHype.


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Just as the atom bomb was the weapon that was supposed to render war obsolete, the Internet seems like capitalism’s ultimate feat of self-destructive genius, an economic doomsday device rendering it impossible for anyone to ever make a profit off anything again. It’s especially hopeless for those whose work is easily digitized and accessed free of charge.

— Author Tim Kreider on not getting paid for one’s work