Kara Swisher

Recent Posts by Kara Swisher

Viral Video: Google's Laughable–But Not So Funny–Apple Tantrum

May 21, 2010 at 5:07 am PT

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Okay, one good dig at Apple by Google at its I/O event over the last two days seemed like the right thing to do given their recent bickering over a range of issues.

Two digs at its rival was probably appropriate. Three, welllll, okay, if you insist.

Unfortunately, the continued verbal jousts at Apple (AAPL) by many Google (GOOG) execs–including CEO Eric Schmidt–onstage at the San Francisco developers conference got tired pretty quickly and soon felt petty and juvenile, and ultimately made Google look needlessly defensive.

It’s part of a recent escalation of tensions between various powerful digital companies in Silicon Valley.

Even dopier: The search giant’s display of a “1984” poster with the motto, “Not the Future We Want,” which was a cloddish reference to Apple’s innovative commercial aimed at IBM (IBM) decades ago.

Note to Google: A scary search behemoth with a stranglehold on Internet advertising isn’t really believable as a victim of “The Man”–in this case, Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

Still, there was Google Engineering VP Vic Gundotra–doing his best imitation of a geek Gary Cooper–noting in this video below that “if Google did not act, we faced a Draconian future in which one man, one company, one device, one carrier would be our only choice. That’s a future we don’t want.”

As they say so eloquently on the “Really!?! With Seth and Amy” segment on “Saturday Night Live”: Reaaaaaallly!?! Reaaaaaallly!?!

Memo to Vic: This is not “High Noon.” And Draconian is Chinese censorship. Draconian is Al-Qaeda. Draconian is a reptilian extraterrestrial race from the British science fiction television series “Doctor Who”!!!

While it’s fine and dandy–and de rigeur–to rev up developers, which is the ultimate purpose of this Android-focused event, I would much prefer Microsoft (MSFT) Steve Ballmer’s “Developers, developers, developers” sweatfest any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

As a former Microsoft exec, Gundotra should know that’s always a showstopper.

In any case, here is Gundotra’s speech yesterday to contrast to that sweaty Ballmer video, along with Jobs’s IBM-bashing introduction of Apple’s “1984” commercial, which is a primer on how you reaaaaalllly strafe a competitor.

Also the Draconians on “Dr. Who” and “Really!?! With Seth and Amy”:

Please see this disclosure related to me and Google.

Tagged with: 1984, Al-Qaeda, Android, Apple, BoomTown, California, censorship, Chinese, commercial, conference, developer, digital, Doctor Who, Draconian, engineering, Eric Schmidt, extraterrestrial, Gary Cooper, Google, High Noon, I/O, IBM, innovation, Internet, Kara Swisher, Microsoft, Really!?! With Seth and Amy, reptilian, San Francisco, Saturday Night Live, search, Silicon Valley, speech, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, tantrum, telecom, television, The Man, Vic Gun, video, viral

comments so far. Add yours.

  • Anonymous

    Google is on a roll. They want to own it all and are happy to rip of other people’s work to do it a la MS vs Apple. Except for the Flash spat, Apple has managed to hum along with its cash cows – iPhone, iPad and Macs. Hopefully they can protect their IP and continue to provide users attractive value with superior products and great user experiences as the vultures tear at them from all sides. Will Google go into retail stores next to peddle their junk? They should have stuck to search. First search and now marching toward a new G-merica where everything belongs to Google. That’s a draconian (harsh) world to live in.

  • http://www.bynkii.com/ John C. Welch

    But you left off the only Draconian reference that matters:

    http://www.theangrydrunk.com/w.....laFace.jpg

  • honjk

    what is funny is they put up “60 devices” as somehow a good thing… I don't know about you, but I am a developer, and it is moronic to try and support 60 devices, 50 of them will disappear by this time next year, and replaced by 80 more by next year…

    the software, (the apps) are going to be a nightmare… just trying to keep well documented on the one iphone/ipad/ipod type of device is a huge amount of work.. yes i can write one program and it will work on these 3, but it is beyond comprehension the amount of work involved to make a complicated app work on all 3 well…

    now multiply that by 60 (90% of which will be gone in 1 year)… that is how moronic the software (apps) are going to be for the Android, (and i use the word “the” very very losely)

  • honjk

    by the way, how many “App” stores are there going to have to be? they got devices with buttons on the left, buttons on the right, and some stuck here with you inbetween :0)

    are they really going to sell “apps” that don't actually work for the particular device you have in your hands?

    it isn't Apple that is going to kill android, it is android that is going to kill android…. people have only just begun to feel the crashes from flash, heck with flash, the crashes from the apps themselves will be overwhelming…

  • dlorenzet

    Nice post, Kara!
    Love your use of the word”cloddish”as descriptive of Google's attempts to be marketing saavy and competitive!

  • synthmeister

    Let's see, Google owns 60% to 70% of the search market and Apple owns 15% to 25% of the cell phone market.

    Now who's “da man?”

    Google wants “many men, many companies, many devices, and many carriers” with only one search engine.

  • techtrader10

    It seems that Apple is at odds with everyone in the tech community.

    They have issues with Google, Adobe, Microsoft, all of the computer makers, on and on and on.

    Reading the various tech blogs, Apple always seems to be “at war” with somebody.

    This must be the nerdy way of feeling macho.

  • chandrac1

    Kara, all that video you expect us to watch, are you trying to compete with Google TV.
    But finally, a decent, well argued from ATD. Phew! About time I'd say.

  • RichardL

    Don't you think the “draconian” reference was referring to the potential impact on Google Corporation.

  • http://blog.macb.net macbeach

    The show-stopper was when they couldn't get the keyboard and TV to communicate for several minutes and the presenters argued over whether it was time to “try the other box”.

    Anyway, it's nice to have Google as an alternative to closed dictatorial systems from Apple, Microsoft and Facebook. The Android phones will support Flash AND HTML5 and Apple will almost certainly do so too once held up to ridicule.

  • jbelkin

    Now that Google has been booted from the Apple boardroom – it's funny that their only playbook is MS. How MANY businesses are Google in that make NO money? Chrome? Android? Google TV? YouTube? Google music “store,” Google's closed “video” store … Google like MS is a one trick pony and the tactics that took down MS (free everything) simply do NOT work with Apple because unlike MS users who tolerated the products and were anxious to switch to ANY competitor that was slightly better, Apple is no MS or yahoo. The Google photo of 10 pasty (er, white guys) old dudes sitting on stage was so MS and so sadly hilarious. I think it's safe to say for Google it's all downhill from here. While ALL of Google's revenue hinges on the hope taht no one knocks them off their search perch (97% revenue from ads), Apple meanwhile in 11 years has built FIVE Multi-billion dollar business units from ZERO – ipod, iphone, ipad (crssing billion anyday now), itunes, and retail … add in the Mac, you have six … how many billion dollar business units at google outside of search? Office apps? YouTube? Chrome? android? all free or nearly free giveaways … so Google better be sure no one sneaks up on them on search while they are trying to be Apple … they are hopelessly outclassed and outgunned there. What's next, a google retail store?

  • samharrison

    Google is the mafia of the Web. I have no sympathy for it or its marketing hoopla. Next.

  • dcdjason

    It is hard to take Vic Gundotra seriously after seeing Conan rip into him during Conan's recent visit to the Googplex.
    “The incredible arrogance of you people” Ha!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7TwqpWiY5s

  • Nick P

    Google is the modern day version of IBM as portrayed by Steve Jobs in 1984. Today's Google, with its vast access to mountains of personal information is far more terrifying than anything IBM was two decades ago. For the sake of everyone, Google should be contained and controlled.

  • JohnDoey

    Isn't Google more like 90%?

  • ChristopherDrum

    I'm most disturbed by the revisionist history Google employed during that keynote opening “story”. I love how Vic “levels with us” about Google's utter fear and concern about a Draconian future over a phone that had just been released the same month as he joined the company (both happened June 2007).

    Recall that the API for the iPhone wasn't open to developers upon launch, now tell me what Google was worried about? With Google Maps and a big Google search button built into every iPhone, how was this Draconian toward Google? How was Apple's original “build web apps” approach for the iPhone Draconian? The same point could just as easily have been made by trumpeting up their own merits, rather than putting down a rival with an outright fabrication.

    Google seems to believe their own fiction, and that is very worrisome considering their control over so much of our digital lives.

  • ChristopherDrum

    I agree that Android will kill Android. Especially with the OS “skinning” that carriers employ, there is nothing to make it clear to the consumer that phone A and phone B are compatible and share the same underlying OS and therefore your skills at using one system transfer to the other, if your skills do transfer at all. They are quickly splintering the user base and I believe their intention of getting Android onto as many mobile devices as possible as quickly as possible trumps their desire to provide customers with a consistent user experience. I'm not “opposed” to using Android whatsoever, but even as a fairly tech-savvy guy I'm confused by which handsets run which version of Android and which can be upgraded to Froyo, the minimum necessary for Flash 10.1.

  • http://www.swift2.blogspot.com Swift2

    As for Android, well, Apple should get its act in gear more. I think OS 4.0 plus the new phone is part of the solution. Hey, competition is good. Not so good are the self-serving myths they're putting out there. And the codec play will beach Google TV. Tell me, in the flat, boring and non-working demo of that, is there a single producer on the stage? The key to video on the web is getting the producers to go along. They produce and develop with H.264, in Blu-ray and on down; one codec that rules them all. Now, thanks to this stupid, passive-aggressive Schmidt move, there will be yet another codec, out of years and dozens of alternatives, for websites to consider. Gee, it's free, it's not as good, and it has nothing to do with the production chain. Another four or five copies of another format to keep around, along with the Flash monster to keep propitiating because… it helps them hit Apple, no other reason. What a wonderful way to blow the video tag, burying it, no doubt, under years of struggle, lawsuits, and competing specs. Jeez, thanks, Eric. Hope you heard enough while you were undercover at the board meetings.

    We were very close to the elusive target of one codec to rule them all. Simple video tags. Easy renders. High quality. Low bandwidth and high. For a tenth of the cost, Google could have paid for Firefox's license for as far as the eye can see.

    Oh, but that wouldn't be “open,” and “free.”

  • mcg1969

    I don't have a serious challenge here. but: “*except* for the Flash spat”? How about in *spite* of it? The last I've seen the iPads are still flying off the shelves, even though the lack of Flash is one of the top gripes. If that trend continues then the installed base of Flash-free devices will be too large for any serious web site to ignore. They've already begun to adapt, in fact.

  • mcg1969

    Speaking as a nerd—yeah, pretty much

  • http://www.swift2.blogspot.com Swift2

    Hey, everybody has issues with everyone else. What were you expecting, a utopia if you just call it “open”?

    Let's demand that Google OPEN its AdSense code. Won't do it, will they.

  • mcg1969

    Do you have a timestamp for that key reference so that I don't have to watch 48 minutes of Vic?

  • http://www.swift2.blogspot.com Swift2

    What potential draconian impact on Google?

    Apple's tying itself to its own hardware platform means it will always be limited in market. Great. Who cares? You just need standards out there for everybody. Google makes them up for themselves.

  • mcg1969

    You know, I hadn't thought of it that way before but you are right. What Google doesn't seem to appreciate is the amount of investment in H.264 process flows. That alone might doom VP8 as a serious contender. MPEG-LA could probably knock VP8 completely out of contention with a few end-user-friendly tweaks to their license agreements.

  • totorototoro

    Damn, who is in charge of making sure that demos work at Google?

  • JohnDoey

    Held up to ridicule? I think you missed the point of Kara's article. This is not a Kindergarten playground.

    Being ridiculed by PC industry monopolists such as Google and Adobe is not hurting Apple at all. They have an outrageously high 95% customer satisfaction rating, the only mobile tablet that sells, and their developer conference just sold out in 8 days, down from 30 last year. Apple's #1 problem right now is not Google or Adobe, it's how to make enough iPads to meet demand.

    Besides, everything Apple does is ridiculed by nerds for the first year or 2, before they all copy it. We've seen this movie many times before.

    The key thing with Flash is that nobody is starting new Flash development projects for some time now, because FlashPlayer deployment on mobiles is zero. That has nothing to do with Apple, it's 100% Adobe's fault and 100% their responsibility to manage their 100% proprietary Adobe platform. Adobe hasn't shipped a single mobile bit since before iPhone. There are like 6 smartphone platforms.

    At best, Google and Adobe will put FlashPlayer on only 25% of Android devices by this time next year. It can't even run on a phone that is not a 2010 model, and it takes a long time for the updates to be deployed by the various carriers. That is not nearly enough users to cause online developers to start new Flash projects again. My entire last year of projects has been porting Flash content to HTML5, not the other way around, and FlashPlayer for Android won't change that.

    So Google (monopoly on search and ads) and Adobe (monopoly on publishing tools and PC media playback) are having a little nostalgic nerd fest with some old-fashioned Apple-bashing. Good for them. The price of tea in China is unchanged.

  • http://www.swift2.blogspot.com Swift2

    Yeah, I saw a survey saying that iPad buyers were very concerned by the lack of Flash. In fact, 11% of the people who answered the survey were. In fact, the things that people really like are the crisp, H.264 streaming from Netflix and ABC, and others. It starts right up, it looks terrific, and there's never a “do you have the latest Flash plugin?”

  • hooms

    The recalcitrant Microsoft-style culture being adopted by Google is seeping into every aspect of the company, and it's fast tarnishing their image. I used to credit Google with a certain restraint and stoicism about the way they did business, but the I/O was a real I/Opener in that it shows a teenage kid trash talking to his buddies after putting on a respectable face to the adults. Very unbecoming. This adolescent pimple, Vic G, does no favors for Google whatsoever…

  • cimota

    Matt Drance was right in his blog. Google acted to prevent a draconian future in 2005 when they bought Android.

    iPhone was revealed in January 2007 and the App Store in July 2008.

    So the lying cheat here is Gundotra and before him, Schmidt, who was sitting on Apple's board and knew what was coming and worked to undermine the company he was a director for.

  • memeslayer

    More I think about it, I think entire defensive action was because of some undisclosed information. They are about to be sued by Apple or “asked nicely” to take some features off of Android because of some patents. At least there is something drastic going on behind the scenes. This was pathetic preemptive strike.

  • rosswell

    I am impressed with the thoughtful level of discourse in these comments today.

    I agree wholeheartedly that Google is a wolf in sheep's clothes.

    Apple have built themselves up from practically nothing with a variety of moneymaking breakthrough products.

    Google is a one-trick pony who is using its war chest to simply buy up any and all companies who have a product that interests Google. They are “plastering” the wall with dozens and dozens of attempts to find a product beyond search ads to build a future on.

    I haven't missed Flash since I disabled it two years ago on my PC. That sentiment is resoundingly evident when you read comment forums.

    The misinformation about Apple and Flash that is being promulgated around the web is really idiotic and even sinister in its origins.

    Google is like the Mother Alien, luring you into its lair with flowers and sweet-smelling pods that when you look closely will explode in your face. Never has “open” been such a scary word.

  • Guest

    It was truly a flame throwing spectacle of Apple envy and for that matter an inferiority complex.

  • dcdjason

    The barbs are sprinkled throughout but Conan starts ripping into him in the first 10 minutes. While Conan is pretty good natured at the end, some of his comments are pretty biting.

  • MyCoffeePlease

    Really? No one… I mean no one here is going to call this article… and all of your comments out on their bias bullshit? Really? Wow… I stepped into the wrong blog… LOL

    Bye delusional people.

  • grovberg

    Total agreement. They had some really interesting, really great stuff to show, stuff that does indeed best some of what Apple is doing, but their constant need to stick their tongue out at Apple makes it seem like they're trying to over-compensate for shortcomings. Poor form Google.

  • grovberg

    Dude, those comments are only biting if you want them to be. Conan was just trying to be funny.

  • http://www.cheapshirtsoutletonline.com lacoste outlet online

    Today’s Google, with its vast access to mountains of personal information is far more terrifying than anything IBM was two decades ago. For the sake of everyone, Google should be contained and controlled.

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    Google wants to own it all and are happy to rip of other people’s work to do it .

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    that’s a future we don’t want.

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