What’s one of the ways you might attract a lot of attention online?

Here’s one possible equation: Celebrity + Mom + Tips Galore.

That’s the formula behind a new site relaunching today called Modern Mom, which is backed by “Dancing With the Stars” winner Brooke Burke and partner Lisa Rosenblatt, wading into what the pair hopes will be a lucrative market.

In an unusual twist, they have bought an existing site, redesigned it and then turbocharged it using both original content and stuff pulled from Demand Media (which was founded by Rosenblatt’s husband, Richard Rosenblatt).

It’s an interesting effort to watch in online publishing, to see if the pair can attract both an audience and advertisers without a big brand name in the mother space and by leveraging Burke’s online and offline popularity.

She now has, for example, 562,522 followers on Twitter alone, a huge fan group on Facebook and is an active social networker.

Whether that can be turned into a real business is a good question.

“I think I am passionate about this and want it to be organic,” said Burke, who noted that she and Rosenblatt have seven kids between them. “There are a lot of places for moms to go online, but they tend to cut up the experience, while we’re focusing on information and tools from pregnancy to the teen space, since being a mother does not stop at any one point.”

Rosenblatt, who said that the effort has been backed by several million dollars in angel investment, added that the key was trying not to overwhelm readers with content that was not relevant.

“We wanted to be a place for people to feel involved easily, so they could feel comfortable,” she said. “We’re the audience for what we are offering, so we think we know what people want.”

That means, no surprise, nothing too heavy–with lots of tips, buying suggestions, health and beauty, food and home, videos, blogs, as well as an area focused on celeb parents, called Mommywood.

Of all the evergreens online, celebs are almost always a hit (witness the big wet kiss the New York Times recently bestowed on Wonderwall, which BoomTown wrote about a while back), and so are sites aimed at mothers.

Some of the many include BabyCenter, iVillage, Momlogic and Mommy Track’d, among others. Still, the packed category has a lot of potential, given it’s often an advertising-friendly environment.

Burke and Rosenblatt said Modern Mom already had such relationships and that they would be combined with Burke’s endorsements and her existing e-commerce business, called Baboosh Baby.

Here’s a screenshot of Modern Mom’s new homepage (click on it to make it larger), as well as a welcome video from Burke:

Welcome once more to Weekend Update! I’ll be filling in today for your regular host, Beth Callaghan, who’s on vacation.

And what sane person wouldn’t be, after the slew of Silicon Valley silliness inspired by April Fools Day this past week? Digital pranks were the name of the game as Google (GOOG) and others heaped so many tepid hoaxes upon us that we wanted to call April Fold so as to quickly end this round of gags.

But no bag of tricks was needed for one Web site to April Fool itself into crying wolf about an imminent Google (GOOG) acquisition of Twitter, when a real story around the corner was aboutGoogle turning Turbo Tax tweets into ads.

Meanwhile, one of the biggest jokesters of them all, The Onion, won one of the biggest awards in journalism, a Peabody, meaning that the best sense of humor goes to that panel of judges. And to Stephen Colbert, who was willing to entertain (for a while) Twitter spokesmodel Biz Stone’s biz-model-less thoughts in an interview on “The Colbert Report.” Also on BoomTown this week: Facebook’s former CFO Gideon Yu is out, as was a leaked memo from Mark Zuckerberg about Yu’s departure and the company’s situation.

A sense of humor is certainly an invaluable feather to have in your cap these days. Digital Daily wrote about the most recent doom-and-gloom predictions and events to happen in this econalypse, like analysts’ predictions of YouTube losing $470 million in 2009, the barren IPO-less wasteland VCs are bemoaning and a major global slump in semiconductor sales. Other headlines weren’t quite so dreary: Google’s foray into VC land, the folks at BlackBerry HQ celebrating surprisingly good fourth-quarter results and the world’s worst-kept secret, the anticipated merger between IBM (IBM) and Sun (JAVA).

There was a similar mix of dark clouds and silver linings over at MediaMemo. The National Collegiate Athletics Association forced Twitter and partners AT&T (T) and Federated Media to take down one of its first ad campaigns, “March Tweetness,” crying copyright foul. Also running afoul with big companies in legal waters, free music Web site Seeqpod filed for bankruptcy. And video site Veoh laid off a significant amount of staff and kicked out its old CEO, replacing him with founder Dmitry Shapiro and refocusing the company on its “Video Compass” browser plug-in.

Online video is generally a turbulent space these, but the waiting is the hardest part for Hulu when it comes to the rumored Disney deal in which Disney (DIS) seems to be playing the field. Other gems of the week were URL-shrinking Web service bit.ly’s raising of $2 million and media mogul Rupert Murdoch’s Kindle envy.

In a new Mossblog, Walt Mossberg gives us his first impressions of the BlackBerry App World store in which Research in Motion (RIMM) takes a bold step into what was formerly the sole domain of Apple (AAPL). In Personal Technology, Walt reviews a network hard drive from Western Digital (WDC) that makes the technology gloriously simple for everyone. And in Mossberg Solution, Katherine Boehret takes a look at several laptop trays, designed to protect the–ahem–family jewels and family members in general from laptops’ scorching undersides.

Finally, our exciting Woz-watch, after many weeks, has come to a sad end: Steve Wozniak was voted off “Dancing with the Stars” this week after one misstep too many. Down, but not out, the Apple co-founder swore that the “geeks shall inherit the earth”… just not the dance floor, any time soon. Please.

More next week.

Oh horror of horrors–Steve Wozniak got sent home last night on the ABC celebrity hoofer-fest, “Dancing with the Stars.”

Whatever will BoomTown do without the peculiar gyrations of the Apple (AAPL) co-founder to praise effusively and mock relentlessly at the very same time?

But with a truly terrible Tango and the lowest judges’ score (12 out of 30) of the remaining 11 contestants from his Monday night outing, Woz’s only chance was the voters at home.

That had worked the week before.

But, sadly, the tally this week was not enough to save him and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, or “The Girls Next Door” star Holly Madison and her partner Dmitry Chaplin. Both couples were dinged at the same time.

Said Woz about his experience, which included a hamstring injury and a foot fracture, as well as allegations of voting hijinks:

“I will dance wherever I am. I will take ballroom lessons. I’ll make it a part of my life. I hope there are a lot of other people like me that never danced their entire lives. [People] sitting at a computer terminal all day long, who are afraid to [dance]. You can actually go out there and dance and have fun.”

Well said.

And to show you what he means, here are the four videos of his clumsy but adorkable dancing efforts on “DWTS,” as well as some post-loss interviews in reverse order:

Good Morning America (with funny Footloose segment):

Jimmy Kimmel Live (with shoe-burning):

Elimination:

Week 4–Argentine Tango:

Week 3–Samba:

Week 2–Quickstep (dance-off):

Week 1–Cha-cha-cha:

Apple (AAPL) Co-founder Steve Wozniak revved his damn-the-judges juggernaut into high gear this week with yet another low-scoring performance on ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” and a full-bore mangle of the Argentine tango last night.

Interestingly, as the trio of judges dinged him for the fourth week in a row, they also tried to compliment Wozniak at the same time, telling him they loved his spirit.

Oh, these judges know that a Silicon Valley mob riding Segways could run them down at any minute if they got too mean (and there was actually a video of just that possibility on the television show).

“The judges have forsaken me,” said Woz, sounding more and more like a very appealing nerd cult leader. “But the geeks shall inherit the earth.”

One judge, Bruno Tonioli, still had the temerity to speak the truth about Woz’s tango: “This really stunk.”

Retorted the cute-as-a-button-who-can’t-dance Woz: “I have three words for you: I’m still standing.”

That he is. So you better get out there and vote early and often (you can vote up to 10 times).

Results come tonight, but here is the video from last night:

On the revenue-seeking side, BoomTown’s Twitter Business Plan Count-Up hasn’t yielded any real keepers yet. There is a real contender, though–since Jennifer Aniston so publicly broke up with her boyfriend, John Mayer, on account of his Twitter “addiction,” BoomTown suggests offering “Twitter rehab” for those not willing to lose their relationships just yet. Not sure how zoning would work on that one, but the profit margin could be nice. The Guardian’s Changing Media Summit in London didn’t provide a lot of hard answers to the revenue question either, but it did gather the curious together to discuss the matter further, ponder the Next Big Thing, and talk about what the media company of tomorrow looks like. And, perhaps proving that during hard times Americans love an unlikely hero (a Seabiscuit for our own economic disaster?), Steve Wozniak escaped elimination from “Dancing With The Stars” for yet another week–undoubtedly due to the will of the people and their appreciation of his determined and goodhearted willingness to look silly on national television. The Pillsbury Doughboy bit probably didn’t hurt, either.

On the cost-saving side, MediaMemo wrote about job and salary cuts at the New York Times (NYT). The job cuts were on the business side, but the company slashed all of its nonunion salaries by 2.5-5 percent. It will ask for similar cuts from its unionized newsroom employees, in a spirit of “shared sacrifice.” Google (GOOG) sacrificed 200 more jobs, this time from sales. One of the most drastic signs of recession, however, may be the fact that Condé Nast’s higher echelons are cutting back on chauffeured cars to get them around Manhattan.

According to Digital Daily, It was Black Thursday at IBM (IBM) on the 26th, with 1,674 job losses (and counting). 5,000 jobs are expected to be cut overall, with many of the lost U.S. positions being transferred offshore. Better news over at Viacom’s (VIA) MTV games–according to new statistics, the company’s Rock Band franchise recently surpassed $1 billion in North American retail sales, making it the number one title of 2008 across all genres, based on revenue. And that’s before Beatles: Rock Band even comes close to shipping. That’s the kind of magic shown so far by Palm’s (PALM) forthcoming Pre handset, which–without a price or a release date–has boosted the company’s share price more than $7 based on little more than a CES debut and some enthusiastic analysts. Digital Daily noted that not everyone feels magical, but the launch will tell.

Over in Personal Technology, Walt Mossberg offered quick reviews of the iPhone apps he uses most often and that make the shiny Apple (AAPL) gadget worth the price. In Mossberg’s Mailbox, Walt pointed out the usefulness of IE8′s compatibility button, which makes the browser act like IE7 in certain instances, on Web sites that were coded around the peccadilloes of the earlier versions of the Microsoft (MSFT) software. Other readers had questions about ordering broadband service without a land line and burning movies to Blu-ray discs using an iMac. Katie Boehret spent the week testing out a new TV from Samsung–the first to integrate with the Yahoo (YHOO) Widget Engine, which enables viewers to watch shows and access the Web on the same large screen. Her thoughts are in The Mossberg Solution.

More next week.

Getting a foot fracture, pulling a hamstring, claiming there was a voting conspiracy, getting an abysmal score of 10 out of 30 from the judges (the lowest score ever) and, of course, dancing with as much grace as a block of cement were not enough to sink the Good Ship Wozniak last night on “Dancing With the Stars.”

Instead, the people spoke loud and proud for continued goofiness by voting for the clod-hopping Apple (AAPL) co-founder in droves and tossing off actress and Charlie Sheen nemesis, Denise Richards.

“I was more shocked than any time in my life,” said Woz. “Maybe except when I got served with divorce papers.”

It helped his cause, I think, that the judges tried to hand him walking papers on Monday, with one calling his dance “the worst samba I’ve ever seen.”

Well, that was technically true. But the people have chosen to ignore that little detail and are focusing instead on the sheer entertainment value of Woz.

Next up: Tango Argentina!

Or, most likely in Woz’s version: Mangled Argentina.

Here’s the video from the ABC show of the announcement last night, when the shocked Woz and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, found out they were were safe, including a very cute Pillsbury Doughboy moment right after.

That the rotund Woz allowed a Pillsbury Doughboy moment on national television tells you all you need to know about why he is still in the competition:

At least Apple (AAPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak can pun through the pain of his foot fracture and pulled hamstring.

“Hey, well, one thing I learned is that if you mix a little dancing with a little Smirnoff, you might end up in an ambulance,” he joked, riffing on the name of his partner, Karina Smirnoff.

What he can’t do, of course, is dance very well, which was why he got the low, low score of 10 out of 30 last night from the judges on his third week of “Dancing with the Stars.”

“Steve, on your knees and beg forgiveness–this was the worst Samba I’ve ever seen, I think–just bad,” said Bruno Tonioli.

“I just hope the viewers enjoyed it as an entertainment, because for me, it was consistent–it was terrible from start to finish,” said Len Goodman.

And, while she called Woz “adorable,” Carrie Ann Inaba delivered the bomb: “At some point, the novelty wears off…you’re like the uncle at the party that we just root for.”

Well, maybe for her it gets old, but not the rest of us completely riveted to exactly what wacky stunt and what level of atrocious dancing Woz will deliver next on the ABC television show.

Oh, it was a bad Samba. A very bad Samba. Sam-bad.

But from his decidedly odd “worm” to his accusing the producers of vote-rigging to his pink boa, Woz should still get the ballot box stuffed Silicon Valley-style.

Woz was cheerfully defiant about his performance, joking that he probably deserved a lesser score even: “I enjoy it and I am going to try to bring my form of entertainment to the world.”

World geek dancing domination!

So vote early and often tomorrow so that he can overcome his lack of dancing ability and win first place on this ridiculous show!

Here’s the video:

Also here are Woz’s missives to the fans on his Facebook page from yesterday, after the jump:

On Mar 23, 2009, at 1:53 AM, Steve Wozniak wrote:

Yesterday evening I was sure that I couldn’t dance on Monday, due to so much pain that I would wince when I walked. It wasn’t pretty.

My partner, Karina, is very familiar with such injuries and worse. She was of the opinion that if I withdrew from Dancing With The Stars, rumors would fly that I was using this injury as an excuse. She has danced with pulled hamstrings many times. I can tell you from how this one felt, that it’s not the same for a 20 year old as it is for a 58 year old.

Karina modified our routine to keep it as good, but avoid a few maneuvers that caused me extreme pain. We practiced a few times last night on the real DWTS stage and I decided that I could do the dance, a Samba, on Monday (tomorrow).

We practiced today. I had very little problem with my pain in the dance but now had to learn different sequences of the whole routine, and connect them. You have heard of muscle memory. One step reminds your foot of the next step, and so on. But now we took chunks in the middle and rewrote them. Plus we lost nearly 2 days of rehearsal due to my inability to do anything, not to mention hospitals and MRI’s and more over 2 days. So rehearsal-wise, we are behind everyone else, but we are feeling confident that we can do something of value tomorrow. You’ll have to see.

I have much more to say to you all, but it’s an incredibly tired time for me.

Please, keep email and phone calls to an absolute minimum. I will not necessarily be by either with any time at all tomorrow. I have to ask your help in minimizing this.

thanks,

Woz

On Mar 23, 2009, at 2:41 PM, Steve Wozniak wrote:

http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancingwiththestars/index?pn=aboutthevote

If that URL doesn’t work, go to –Dancing With The Stars–click the “Vote Now” tab.

I can’t stress how important in my case the audience voting is. It can fairly easily make the difference between last place and first place. When you are in the dance-off, you have to take extra time preparing for it instead of your next dance, which gets you further behind for the next week’s dance. It’s unfortunately a case of positive feedback and votes can pull me out of that situation. If you pull me out, I will owe you and love you all forever, as I do people who attended my US Festivals.

best regards,

Woz

On Mar 23, 2009, at 6:46 PM, Steve Wozniak wrote:

Dress rehearsal had a wardrobe malfunction

My pants were falling down and I had to keep pulling them up!

Ha ha, everyone loved it.

Also, before heading to the stage, Karina was looking for me and the camera went down to me crawling on the floor with a hurt leg. They loved it so much they asked us to do it live tonight.

The pants are being repaired now. I can’t tell you how it feels to have your pants falling off in a dance. I lost too much weight again.

The worm went great in dress rehearsal. Enjoy the show tonight.

best wishes to all,

Woz

Apple (AAPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak sure knows how to make things dramatic.

For the second time, after a foot fracture, his continued appearance on the ABC celebrity show “Dancing With the Stars” (pictured here with partner Karina Smirnoff) appears in jeopardy, due to an apparent hamstring injury he suffered at practice on Friday.

Curiously, a photo of Woz on a stretcher and an update of his injured status were taken off his Woz.org blog sometime over the weekend (I saw the picture on Saturday night, but it is impossible to find now).

Also previously 86ed was a letter he had posted and then unposted about his contention that some vote-rigging was taking place on the show, which he leveled earlier in the week.

Woz had picked and then unpicked this fight with the “DWTS” producers about their use of drama to goose ratings, related to his dance-off last week as a last-place contender.

“The producers play games to get viewers and don’t disclose the numbers. If they disclosed the numbers, it would be less of a game, but still suspect,” he said at first last week.

In a follow-up email soon after, Woz did the verbal equivalent of a clumsy 180-spin: “Yesterday, I wrote my suspicions of the secret ‘Dancing With The Stars’ audience vote tabulations. I wrote that the producers were liars, simply because I truly believed in that possibility, not because I had a shred of evidence. I hurt a lot of honest people.”

Also, even better, Woz favorably compared himself to a Teletubby on his Web site (see picture here by Janet Wozniak).

Whew! And all this before he has even stepped onto the floor for the third week of “DWTS,” which airs live tonight.

All the hubbub seems to have worked, since the blogs are full of Woz’s antics and not those of other contestants. It is, in fact, a modern miracle that Woz has garnered more attention than the publicity heat-seeking missile that is Denise Richards.

Will the hobbled Woz be dancing the samba or foxtrot in that clodhopper nerd style that has endeared him to those in Silicon Valley who have voted early and often to keep him alive?

As they say: Tune in tonight!

Doing the quickstep and wearing taped nerd glasses to the tune of Buddy Holly’s “Oh, Boy!,” Steve Wozniak’s dance stylings on “Dancing With the Stars” this week was more like “Oh, Brother!”

Nonetheless, support of geeks world-wide and an infectious spirit kept the Apple (AAPL) co-founder in the running on the ABC television competition by besting former Go-Go’s singer Belinda Carlisle in dance-off elimination.

With his very patient partner, Karina Smirnoff, and with an injured foot, Woz keep up the pace and did his Monday night dance over on Tuesday, as one of the two lowest-scoring couples.

And while the judges dissed his skills again, even though they did compliment Woz’s enthusiasm, the viewer votes sent him over the top–proof that it is marketing and not product quality that can sometimes win the day.

Woz is dancing as badly as he can with a pink boa, Silicon Valley, so get out there and make your 13 votes each count!

In any case, here’s his latest outing:

Last week, BoomTown turned partisan in what is perhaps our only truly fair election these days: “Dancing With the Stars.”

Because he is so lovably dorktastic, it seems as if Silicon Valley has to pull out all the stops to make sure the anti-Fred Astaire stylings of Apple (APPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak remain in the television competition.

Woe to everyone when it was revealed that he had hurt himself dancing, with a fractured leg.

But–unlike other competitors who have been sidelined by injuries–Woz is sticking, and is headed into a quickstep routine tonight.

There are several updates by Woz on his Facebook page here, with one note yesterday saying, in part:

“I found that I was getting delirious from the energy expenditure of yesterday and I could barely walk at all, even in my socks. I have never looked so funny or so in pain in my life. It took me about 5 minutes just to maneuver my body into the bathtub. I don’t take baths normally, and anyone who knows me knows that it would take a great occasion or emergency to get me into a bath, but I needed it badly.”

TMI! But let’s try to ignore it and move on!

The next broadcast of “Dancing with the Stars” is tonight at 8 p.m. EST, with the voting open for various times after the show via phone, SMS or online. Also, Chicago-style, you can vote up to 13 times, but check with the ABC site for all the rules.

The first results show is tomorrow night. That’ll be scary given that Woz scored a paltry 13 points from the snotty judges for last week’s cha-cha disaster, although it’s not clear what the public thought of his debut dance.

So, if his quickstep is–it has to be said–like quicksand, stuffing the ballot box is the only option for geek domination.

As you will see from this video of his first outing, Woz needs all the help he can get:

Forget all the noise in the blogosphere about Apple (AAPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak’s lack of involvement in the computer company of late (no, he did not invent the Mac, but he was responsible for the Apple I and Apple II, so give him a big honking break).

And try, if you can, to ignore the fact that the man has what appear to be at least seven left feet, as you will see in the video below of his first painful cha-cha-cha outing on “Dancing With the Stars” on ABC last night. By the way, major props go out to his professional dancer partner, Karina Smirnoff.

Because, as DWTS judge Carrie Ann Inaba noted on the television program after other judges mocked him for being a clod: Woz has some very cheerful gumption to be up there in the first place, boogeying to Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet.” (Best. Song. Ever.)

Oh, you definitely ain’t seen nothing like this yet, and it must continue.

Unfortunately, phone, text and online voting is over for this week–results are in on next Tuesday’s show, when the couple with the lowest combined score from judges’ and viewers’ votes will be eliminated from the competition.

Woz only got 13 points from the judges, so he has to rely on the kindness of strangers now.

But, if he makes it, it is up to Silicon Valley to help him survive in future weeks.

Thus, geeks of the world unite–you have nothing to lose but your dignity! And if Woz does not care about wearing a pink silk shirt and sporting a pink boa too, you owe him.

With the naming of Oracle (ORCL) President Charles Phillips to President Barack Obama’s 16-Member Economic Recovery Advisory Board a few days ago, another Silicon Valley tech mandarin fell off the list to become America’s first chief technology officer.

The job–which was promised by President Barack Obama during his campaign and underscored when he released a memorandum on transparency and open government that outlined some of the CTO duties the day after he was sworn in–remains unfilled.

In fact, so does the Federal Communications Commission chairman’s post, which insiders said a month ago would go to former IAC/InterActiveCorp (IACI) exec Julius Genachowski. But he has not been nominated yet.

Both Genachowski and Phillips were on a short list floated in November by The Wall Street Journal for CTO. The third name on it, Level 3 (LVLT) exec Don Gips, has since been named to a high-level White House job.

While the continuing economic crisis has sucked all the oxygen from the room, the Obama administration has still made a lot of promises about tech issues, from improving broadband to making the government more transparent and digital.

So, who is getting the job as head geek?

Could it be well-known entrepreneur Mitch Kapor? Google (GOOG) guru-in-resident and Internet father Vint Cerf? Or some other tech-savvy Silicon Valley figure?

BoomTown is, of course, rooting for Steve “Woz” Wozniak. Once he wins “Dancing With the Stars” this season, he will be the only nerd capable of the two-stepping one needs to survive in Washington.

Post new guesses in comments below.

And, until someone is appointed to fix the nation’s computers, here is the Jan. 21 memo Obama released about some of the tasks ahead for America’s CTO:

MEMORANDUM FOR THE HEADS OF EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENTS AND AGENCIES

BARACK OBAMA

[Photo of the t-shirt from ThinkGeek.]

Dear Mark Cuban:

Apparently, Steve Wozniak, the ever-wackier-as-the-years-go-by co-founder of Apple, is taking up your geek banner on “Dancing With the Stars” and is a contestant on the eighth outing for the popular celebrity hoofing show.

He is among 13 “stars” who will start up their samba-and-tango death match on March 9 on ABC.

While you did not make it to the heavens of dancedom, despite your brilliant-in-hindsight “I Dream of Jeannie” set, Woz actually could become the Cloris Leachman favorite this time out and last into the later rounds.

While Denise Richards will without a doubt be all sharp elbows, there is some obnoxious dude named Steve-O (there is only one Steve and he uses a J) and Wozniak should never turn his back on Lil’ Kim, it is quite possible the designer of the Apple (AAPL) I and II could take home the trophy. One can dream, at least.

Plus, Woz will be plowing the road for BoomTown’s No. 1 pick for next season: Yahoo (YHOO) co-founder and former CEO Jerry Yang! While he clearly needs some work, Yang does have some time free now.

In fact, here is a video, below, taken at Yahoo last year, with Yang boogying at the 1:30 mark:

And here are some of Cuban’s mambo moves, looking slick with no sleeves, as the “bouncing bionic billionaire”:

As a holiday gift to all readers, BoomTown will refrain from making any big pronouncements about what’s coming in 2008 in the tech sector, because, um, well, I have no idea what’s coming in 2008 in the tech sector. No one could have Miss Cleo-ed all the twists and turns of 2007, for certain.

Could we have predicted a tiny start-up with negligible revenues but explosive growth could be valued at $15 billion? We swear on our Facebook profile we could not!

Could we have shamanized that Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang would have promised there were no sacred cows at the struggling Internet giant, even though there apparently are herds of them? It’s a mooot point that we would have been unable to do so.

Could we have guessed that Apple stock would be up 135%? You can iTouch my iPhone if I am lying!

Could we have foreseen that a devastating writers’ strike in Hollywood would be waged over nonexistent Web revenues? It’s a tale we could not have created, even with special effects.

Could we have pontificated that Google would take on the cellphone industry? You can ring our bell, but no, ma’am.

Could we have imagined that unusually enthusiastic entrepreneur Mark Cuban would lose his step on “Dancing With the Stars”?

Well, OK, we figured that one out, right after watching the painful “I Dream of Jeannie” dance number, pictured here. (But then again, we were rooting for Marie Osmond.)

According to Sports Illustrated, Cuban might join–I have truly died and gone to heaven–singer Wayne Newton and “Beverly Hills, 90210″ star Jennie Garth in the reality show phenomenon, which is actually a pretty tough challenge once you get beyond all that glittery spandex tight pants flaunting and focus on the difficulty of learning how to dance that well in front of huge audiences.

Of course, the Internet chattering class has been more riveted by Cuban’s recent “fight” with VC Fred Wilson and really the whole of the digerati, after he basically said the Internet was “dead and boring” in a post on his Blog Maverick site. (Cuban is pictured above almost perfectly.)

He actually only used those terms to get people all pissed off–a typical Cuban tactic–in this post, but was actually making a great point about the Net becoming a utility and how that is a good thing.

I would agree. Just because I did not ooh and ahh over the fact that my blow dryer was powered by the electrical grid this morning does not make it any less amazing.

It’s just there, as Cuban notes about the Net now, writing, “The days of the Internet creating explosively exciting ideas are dead for the foreseeable future.”

He does go a little far in saying that the Web is not evolving (maybe not as dramatically, but it does still change more drastically than most mediums and will change much more in the years ahead).

But, ever the fight-picker, he came back yesterday with another juicy one right to the kisser of Silicon Valley–which did, to be fair, hand over a fortune to him for his (let’s be kind, shall we?) nascent Broadcast.com many years ago.

Still, who can match Cuban’s frenetic defense of his incessant Web use (all punctuation and spelling as he wrote it):

Ive been inundated with spam on Myspace. Used flicker. Used Digg for sourcing news and laughed at the unending ridiculousness of its posters. Used and posted to Youtube, Google Video, DailyMotion, Veoh, Flickr, Slideshare, used every bittorrent client, got bored with twitter after 7 minutes, signed up for other findme, find you, this is where I am, this is where you are, type app I could find, and the lists go on and on. I read techmeme, techcrunch, extremetech, and tons of other tech sites and I make a point to try every and any new site that seems the least bit plausible or interesting. I spend far far too much time on the net just to make sure I keep up and know whats going on.”

Having covered Cuban back in the day and interviewed him onstage at the very first D: All Things Digital conference, this was a nice reminder of what a pleasure it was to cover such a right-back-at-you character.

In other words, Jennie Garth better be very careful or she is sure to get a sharp elbow to the midsection very, very soon. Wayne Newton is, of course, doomed.