The bad news, if you’re an Apple fan: Just like Apple’s other recent Siri ads, these don’t make Siri seem very cool.

In the first one, there’s at least the suggestion that Siri will help Malkovich find a restaurant where he can get some sausage. So that’s something, at least.

But the second one, where Malkovich is sitting around by himself, just killing time with his iPhone, without any discernible purpose?

That’s pretty realistic, actually. But it’s not fun to watch:

But, like I said, Malkovich really is cool. There are a gazillion furniture-chewing scenes I could pick to illustrate this, but for some reason I’ve always been partial to his preposterous Russian poker heavy, from “Rounders”:

What was your favorite TV show as a kid?
Star Trek: Next Generation.

What qualities do you like in a person?
Conviction, Energy, Inventiveness.

What qualities do you dislike?
Indecisiveness, Dispassionate, Inertia.

Name one thing you will regret never having done (if you never do it).
Go on a sub-orbital space flight.

Do you still buy CDs or rent DVDs?
No, streaming all the way!

What would you be doing if you were not in your current job?
Dancing classical ballet.

What is your greatest achievement to date?
Building a platform that empowers people to do the things they love.

iPhone, Android or BlackBerry?
iPhone.

If you could meet any historical or fictional person, who would it be?
Neil Armstrong, Mikhail Baryshnikov and Amelia Earhart.

What site/app do you check first when you wake up?
Path.

What was the last thing you fixed?
I fixed myself a sandwich today ;)

What was your first computer?
The one my husband, Kevin, built for my family and me in high school.

What was your biggest mistake?
Making mistakes is part of building a company – the important thing is focusing on what you’ve learned from them.

Do you have a dog or cat or other pet?
The inspiration of TaskRabbit, my Yellow Lab, Kobe!

What’s your favorite mode of transportation?
My Honda Metropolitan 49cc Scooter!

What was the last book you read?
The Hunger Games trilogy.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
Super speed!

Name your favorite guilty pleasure.
Tequila.

What do you drive/ride?
A Mini Cooper.

Who was your biggest influence growing up?
Sarah Sabatini, my high school math teacher.

Image by Joy of Tech

Samsung officials tell the Korea Times that the two companies were unable to come to a clear agreement resolving their differences. Sources close to Samsung confirmed to AllThingsD that this was indeed the case.

Evidently the talks — which ran for about 16 hours over Monday and Tuesday — began and ended at an impasse, with Apple continuing to insist that Samsung “slavishly” copied the design of its iPhone and iPad, and Samsung demanding that Apple pay royalties on the wireless patents it believes the company infringed.

Given the level of animosity between the two companies at this point, it was really hard to imagine any other outcome. Locking Apple CEO Tim Cook and Samsung CEO Choi Gee-sung into a room for two days and hoping they’d emerge bosom buddies brandishing a settlement was always a bit of a pipe dream. Note that Apple last Friday filed a motion for injunction against Samsung’s Galaxy Tab 10.1, angling to have the device yanked from U.S. shelves as soon as early June. And the week before that, it accused Samsung of destroying email evidence.

Not really the behavior of a company that’s looking for two days of easygoing mediation talks and an amicable resolution to the legal issues at hand.

As FOSS Patents’ Florian Mueller recently told Reuters, “This dispute isn’t ripe for settlement. Under the present circumstances, the two companies’ delegations should spend a couple of fun days in Yosemite Park or Napa Valley, rather than meet in court only to pretend they’re being constructive.”

Apple declined comment on the outcome of the talks.

The case heads to trial on July 30.

(Image courtesy of Joy of Tech)

Why?

They’re far too worried about what would happen to their customer-retention rates if they did so.

“We continue to believe carriers would lower iPhone subsidies if they collectively felt that competing devices would drive the same economics as iPhones,” says BMO Capital’s Keith Bachman. But right now, they don’t. And with no other hero handset to mitigate the risks of the spike in customer churn that might follow a reduction in iPhone subsidy, we’re unlikely to see one in the near term.

There are other reasons, as well, one being the presumed launch of a new LTE iPhone. That device will likely inspire a strong surge of upgrades late in the year. And with carriers looking to move subscribers onto their LTE networks, they’re probably not going to mess with a device that will surely be instrumental in helping them do it.

Finally, as we’ve noted here before, Apple’s multiyear agreements with its carrier partners very likely prevent them from changing iPhone subsidy pricing. These deals are said to have most-favored-nation clauses, so that any reduction in subsidy offered to one carrier would have to be offered to the others. And with Verizon and Sprint both newly locked into their contracts for some time, Apple has no cause whatsoever to even entertain the idea of a lower iPhone subsdidy.

Here, in keeping with the Ten Things tradition of sharing more than 10 things, are 11 things about Rosenblatt:

What qualities do you like in a person?
I admire people who are curious, innovative, respectful to everyone and eternally optimistic. I firmly believe that the best days are in front of us and we must always try new things while learning from others, in order to continually grow as people.

What qualities do you dislike?
People who are constantly negative rather than being constructive, or those who are jealous of another’s success. Being positive is a state of mind and all about how you perceive a situation — is it a permanent fall or a chance to learn and get back up? I’m also disillusioned by how negatively people react to another’s success when it’s not a zero sum game.

What’s the single most important issue in the world today?
Education. No question. Whether it’s formal or informal. There is unlimited knowledge available via the Internet, and we need to find an effective way to spread this knowledge globally to people who can benefit from it.

Do you still buy CDs or rent DVDs?
No, I download all media on my iPad or stream it through services such as Spotify or Netflix.

What would you be doing if you were not in your current job?
I’d be looking for the next opportunity to innovate in the online media landscape and increase my lecturing opportunities at UCLA and USC.

What is your greatest achievement to date?
Raising three respectful kids who are curious, innovative and optimistic.

iPhone, Android or BlackBerry?
All iPhone all the time.

What site/app do you check first when you wake up?
Twitter to get some news and tweet some info. Then eHow.com, Livestrong.com and Cracked.com to see what’s new and exciting on our properties. And then I’m tweeting again.

What was the last thing you fixed?
Boy, that’s a tough one. I’d say (and my wife would punctuate the point) that “handiness” is not one of my strengths. But, I inflated a flat tire on my son’s bike last weekend, and, as of now, it’s holding air.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
Freeze time, so we would all have more time in the day!

Name your favorite guilty pleasure.
Wine, paddle tennis and pizza (without cheese). The perfect day would be enjoying all three at once!

It’s the first major redesign of the app since 2009, and brings a sleeker design and more personalization and social features.

The changes are apparent as soon as you open the app, where you’re presented with a more visual representation of the current weather. For example, if it’s sunny, the background image shows blue skies; if it’s rainy, the image displays raindrops. You can also customize the background with a favorite photo.

In addition to the visual improvements, the main page now features controls for quicker access to more detailed weather information and the ability to search for other locations. If you have more than one location saved to the app, you can simply swipe left or right on the screen to see the forecast for the other cities.

Finally, a new camera button on the front page allows you take a snapshot of the weather at your location and then share it via Facebook, Twitter, or the Weather Channel.

The updated version of the free, ad-supported Weather Channel app for the iPhone and iPod Touch is available now through the App Store.

And some new numbers from Nielsen that chronicle the rise of “AppNation” on Android and iOS between March 2011 and March 2012 back up that notion. The study shows the average number of apps per smartphone has jumped from 32 apps to 41, and growth in time spent on app usage outpacing the growth in mobile Web usage on smartphones by a hefty margin.

And while Nielsen’s measure of the top five apps — Facebook, YouTube, Android Market, Google Search and Gmail — remained constant, the rest of the top 50 was more of an open playing field, with more than 20 percent of the remaining spots entering as new players, and plenty of maneuvering going on.

Data courtesy Nielsen

Former iPhone engineering manager Hugo Fiennes, former Gmail designer Kevin Fox and long-time firmware engineer Peter Hartley co-founded the start-up, which is intended to help users monitor, control and get alerted by their devices.

Electric Imp founders Peter Hartley, Hugo Fiennes and Kevin Fox

Some potential applications are a laundry machine that texts a user when the wash is done or a power charger that turns on when the price of electricity goes down.

The premise is that hardware makers are not great at making cloud services, so they can just add an Imp slot and let Imp take care of the Web interface.

Each Imp card will contain Wi-Fi and an embedded processor. You could think of it as a souped-up version of an Eye-Fi card, which uploads pictures wirelessly when used in a camera’s memory slot. Or think of it like “The Matrix,” where the computer downloads the software needed to control itself once it connects to the Internet.*

Founded last summer, Electric Imp plans to release a developer preview bundle in June and the first compatible devices later this year.

Though it surely would have played well on Kickstarter — like, for instance, the Twine smart sensor project — Electric Imp went a more traditional route for funding, taking $7.9 million in Series A money from Redpoint Ventures and Lowercase Capital.

*Hat tip to Redpoint principal Tomasz Tunguz for the “Matrix” analogy. By the way, this is the first publicly disclosed venture investment for Tunguz, who was formerly a product manager at Google.

Not at all.

“We’re very happy with it,” Hesse said of Sprint’s deal with Apple, during the company’s annual shareholders meeting Tuesday. “Carrying the iPhone will be quite profitable.”

But not for a few years, at least.

By its own admission, Sprint won’t profit from the device until 2015. But according to Hesse, who was reelected to Sprint’s board during Tuesday’s proceedings, that initial heavy upfront investment in the iPhone is worthwhile because it will slow subscriber turnover and create a new segment of higher-value subscribers.

“We believe in the long term,” Hesse said. “And over time we will make more money on iPhone customers than we will on other customers.”

And there, it would seem, Hesse does have a point. Sprint sold 1.5 million iPhones in its first quarter, with about 44 percent of them going to new customers. And those sales helped spike Sprint’s average revenue per user 6.9 percent, the largest year-over-year increase ever charted in that metric in the U.S.

UC’s next target is the U.S., where the company released localized Android and iOS versions this past week, and plans to open up a Silicon Valley office later this year. (It has already made inroads into India, where it has 20 percent share and is close to knocking off market leader Opera, execs said.)

UCWeb's Roy Rong and Yu Yongfu visit AllThingsD.

UC Browser is more than a just dumb container for Web sites; in China, the browser includes its own virtual currency accounts, identity system, social network and navigation services. In a way, it’s more like a mobile-only Facebook platform than the pure Chrome or Safari browsers.

Plus, UC browser is quite fast, because the company maintains local data centers from where it compresses Web sites and sends them to phones. Opera Mini and Amazon’s Kindle Fire Silk browser use similar techniques.

Bridging to the U.S. market won’t necessarily be easy, but UC’s design and experience across the spectrum of low- to high-end phones could be instructive.

CEO Yu Yongfu — who’s on a grand tour of Silicon Valley this week — emphasized that while his company started doing all this in 2004, the U.S. smartphone market only launched with the iPhone in 2007.

And beyond that three-year lead, China is supposed to oust the U.S. as the world’s biggest smartphone market this year.

Yu said he thinks he understands how to deal with the limitations of mobile — small screen size, reduced bandwidth, limited input, short battery life and some eight different operating systems — better than just about anyone.

Still, it’s not clear that the pillars of the UC Web strategy — compressing sites to speed up page loads, and bundling in services and shortcuts — will go over well in the U.S. smartphone market, where we have tended to like our browsers to just show Web pages for us, while leaving heavier lifting to dedicated apps.

UC Browser has 200 million active monthly users, with 50 million of them on Android and the rest spread across other platforms. It gets about a quarter of its users from deals to be preinstalled on phones, said CFO Roy Rong.

The new U.S. version of UC Browser for iPhone

Like other browsers, UC receives revenue through search referral agreements (in China, the default is Baidu; in the U.S., it’s Google). The UC app also includes paid links, display ads, and virtual goods sold in the Flash games it licenses for users. It has its own “app store,” and helps users save bookmarks to HTML5 apps on its home screen. It’s almost like a mobile Web OS.

Rong and Yu said they couldn’t think of any examples of Chinese Internet companies with significant usage in the U.S., so they are hoping to blaze that trail.

To get things started, they rented data centers in Los Angeles and Dallas, signed an agreement to bundle Evernote in UC Browser to help it get distribution in China and vice versa (and plan to do so with other apps), and tweaked the browser’s interface to be more spacious and empty.

For whatever reason, people in China seem to prefer more clutter, Rong said.

Production is set to begin next month for the screens, which measure at least 4 inches diagonally compared with 3.5 inches on the iPhone 4S, the latest phone from Apple, the people said.

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“China Mobile and Apple both have the will to strengthen cooperation,” Chairman Xi Guohua said, according to Bloomberg. “When there is more specific news, we will disclose it.”

The company reportedly indicated that it is unclear whether a deal will be reached this year. An Apple representative was not immediately available for comment.

However, sources have said that a meeting with China Mobile was among the stops CEO Tim Cook made during a China trip earlier this year.

With roughly two-thirds-of-a-billion users, China Mobile is the biggest carrier in the world, as measured by number of customers. The company’s current 3G network doesn’t work with today’s iPhone, but a next-generation iPhone could well work with China Mobile’s 4G network, which is currently in a few spots.

China Mobile has also applied to offer service in the U.S., Reuters said, but it is unclear how well that bid will be received.