Oh, that scamp John Mayer is such a jokester.

Here’s a spoof video the singer did in the wake of all the controversy around the basketball star choosing Miami to play for and leaving behind a dejected and angry Cleveland.

Big surprise, given his promiscuous reputation: Mayer will play his music for everyone.

Enjoy:

In any case, I’m assuming that the good people at “The Daily Show” will be dissecting said overcoverage very soon. But for now, we’ll have to make do with a British takedown of that country’s snow overcoverage last month, via Charlie Brooker.

I don’t like it quite as much as his more sweeping takedown of TV news in general. But aside from a few problems with the British/American language barrier, it does the job. Thanks to Mike Dunn, via Jeff Jarvis, via Bernie Gershon, for spotting.

Meanwhile, if you’re looking for a respite from snow non-news, Twitter isn’t the worst place to go right now.

“Blizzard” is indeed a trending topic, but Twitterers have other things on their mind as well, like Google Buzz, of course. And, obviously, John Mayer.

But Twitterers have more esoteric interests, too: They’re busy compiling reasons you should “shooturself,” and offering tributes to Captain Phil, whom you may know from “Deadliest Catch.”

Earlier today, BoomTown posted about a visit this morning from a passel of top Microsoft search execs rolling into downtown San Francisco to show off even more new features for Bing.

I am here, but the donuts are not. Um, Google always has organic donuts!

In any case, the lineup included: Satya Nadella, SVP for research and development for the Online Services Division; Harry Shum, a corporate VP who is leading core search development; and Brian MacDonald, corporate VP for Core Search Program Management.

As I previously wrote:

“The rolling-stone-gathers-no-moss team at the software giant–which has been seeing some promising progress in its quest to raise its search market share with its snappy new service–has announced an ongoing series of features since Bing was launched earlier this year.”

It’s 10:07 am PT and I await new wisdom from Microsoft (MSFT).

10:10 am: Nadella, the point man on Bing technology, begins.

He kicks off the show with some stats and a main point: Microsoft’s search share has, as his first slide reads: “Still a long way to go.”

At 9.9 percent versus Google’s (GOOG) share of more than 70 percent, Nadella is correct. But that is up from eight percent in a short time, so not bad.

Unique monthly visitors are also up from 71.7 million to 83.3 million. And perception, which was low, is now 48 percent.

In other words, more consumers seem to know what Bing is.

Personally, if I were Microsoft, I would declare victory and quit now!

10:19 am: A demo dude arrives to show “task” pages, which cluster around intent of searchers.

These are cool, and he’s showing a John Mayer page, which includes concerts and more. I hate that whiny singing dude, demo dude. He was mean to Jennifer Aniston, so he is dead to me.

Phew, the demo dude moves on to Miami. I love Miami. Trying to gauge intent, there is a slideshow available, better weather (rainy but 82 degrees!) and flight info. Plus no John Mayer!

Next, demo dude does movies. He shows times for the freaky “Paranormal Activity” and then offers hi-def trailers. Demo dude’s wife wants him to see it. I advise against it, unless he wants to be looking under the bed for the rest of his life.

Now the cheeky Softies, showing off how good Bing’s info is about Apple, (AAPL); display financial info and even the customer service number. I contemplate ordering a Mac.

This is followed by moves through universities and diseases (with related drug cards).

10:30 am: The demo dude moves on to an early look-see of Bing’s its upcoming Facebook deployment, using its already-announced Visual Search.

It’s apparently going to be very easy to be a stalker on Bing!

On to Twitter, with access to tweets in a variety of ways, from the most tweeted to most popular. Ashton Kutcher pops up like an inevitable Twitter weed, of course.

Nadella comes back and explains that this is being done to “browse to your intent.”

And now it is time for a mobile search update.

Guess what? Intent and search completion in a mobile context is time-sensitive! Who knew?

Actually, I did know and so did the whole world. Here is my typical mobile search: “Where the *&%# is that restaurant/kid party/gas station?”

10:38 am: A new demo dude (let’s call him demo dude #2) is showing off the recent mobile app for Bing, which came out a few weeks ago.

Lots of maps, although he says, “it’s more than just finding something on a map.”

Demo dude #2 types a “T,” which stands for AT&T, and stock info pops up.

He talks into the phone now for weather in Redmond, Wash., where Microsoft has its HQ. Cold and rainy! Which is a shocker for the Seattle area this time of year.

Demo dude #2 does movies and sports, showing a lot of what is on the Web. This is not much different than many mobile apps, but it works nicely.

Nadella seems to be promising an iPhone app soon too, noting that Microsoft will have them for all platforms, but he does not say it outright.

10:47 am: Now, Nadella is onto spatial search, which I like to call “oooh-that’s-pretty search.”

Therefore, we need a third demo dude. Demo dude #3 has a beard!

But he has a real new feature! A new mapping technology, powered by Microsoft’s Silverlight video technology, in beta within minutes. You can see it in action here.

It includes a Google competitor that has been called “streetside” before, with several new twists, which demo dude #3 is calling a “mash-in” (compared to a mashup, which is done a lot with Google by third-party folks).

The demo appears very seamless in comparison, using 3-D modeling and photorealism by integrating its Photosynth research work.

He shows a cool look at a museum and then the French American International School in San Francisco.

In this demo, demo dude #3 was looking at restaurants, which shows reviews and also the whole scene around it, including info on the parking garage you can see.

There is now a Map App gallery, most of which made by Microsoft right now.

11:07 am: A Twitter dude is brought up to show how the microblogger is part of this new mapping stuff from Microsoft, which he calls an “ecosystem.”

Using new geolocating tools on the microblogging service, it shows all kinds of geospatial information of tweets.

Twitter recently signed a data-mining deal with Microsoft, as well as Google.

So, it looks like Microsoft and Google are really going to be duking it out in the online mapping of everyone’s lives. And I look forward to this fight and the eventuality that they will want to map my every move. Bing it on!

11:10 am: Nadella wraps up, essentially trying to keep differentiating Bing from Google.

“We do hundreds of experiments a day,” he says, releasing as many features as possible.

It’s a good stance for a lesser competitor to have: Bing, We Try Harder!

Big words for Microsoft: Intent versus query. Whole page versus blue links. Minimizing time versus task completing. Search hit-or-miss versus dialog.

11:16 am: Q&A!

A question about human versus technology in perfecting this intent goal.

MacDonald and Nadella note that humans are important, but Bing is built around the big computing systems that do this automatically.

Will the structured page be indexable? Meaning Google? No real answer! But I would love to see Microsoft go all Rupert Murdoch on the search giant!

Then comes a question about premium or “non-Google” content. Nadella avoids the question and instead focuses on the “scaffolding” the data.

“We’re not as focused on getting exclusive content,” he says flatly. Uh-oh, publishers! As I reported, Microsoft is not forking over the dough.

MacDonald also tries to stress that Google wants folks off its site and onto the query result and that Bing is focusing on delivering that result right.

Everything is not a command line, declares MacDonald.

On a question of openness and the need to use Microsoft Silverlight technology for some of the rich visual mapping, versus Ajax, Nadella points out the service is too small not to be. Good point!

But Microsoft execs, who often shove their tech right down consumers’ throats, are nearly apologetic about having to use Silverlight (except they add, of course, that it is better!).

Nadella gets another question about paying to de-index Google.

“There is no real intent here that is focused on getting a whole bunch of content that is de-indexed from Google,” he said.

Some more questions about Bing monetization (it had better make money!) and global share.

Since Google is cleaning the clocks of everyone even worse abroad, Bing is focusing on the U.S.

I ask about how the Yahoo (YHOO) deal is going. “Well!”

And while Yahoo seems to be losing some search share to Microsoft, Nadella said his company would provide any “core” technology Yahoo wants to use given that Microsoft will be providing the search platform.

It would have been nice if Yahoo search had done this itself, of course, but Nadella said Yahoo could use the mapping and even task pages.

This morning, in a blog post titled “The Adventure Continues,” Twitter co-founder Biz Stone gave more of an explanation for the outage that the microblogging service endured due to a denial-of-service attack yesterday.

Fortunately, BoomTown can read between the lines in order to decipher the secret message herein!

Biz wrote: The Adventure Continues.

Translation: By “adventure,” I mean yet-another-friggin’-Twitter-birdie-crisis.

Considering all the fail whales, the stolen documents and now this, I would have to say we have now taken Time Warner (TWX) online unit AOL’s title as Internet company most likely to experience technical difficulties. Do not adjust your screens! Please stand by!

Biz wrote: In the past 24 hours, we’ve been contending with a variety of attacks that continue to change in nature and intensity. We’re working to restore access to apps built on the Twitter platform that were affected by defensive measures–there was some overcompensation on our part as we tune our system to deal with this scale of attack.

Translation: We’d like to blame this one on TechCrunch somehow, and are hard at work on another impolitic internal memo about how to do so that also manages to insult potential acquirers, such as Google (GOOG), Microsoft (MSFT), and our investors.

The reason we doused this crisis with extra amounts of weed killer is because no one will be able to accuse us of sitting by in our usual chill manner, which is exemplified by the official Twitter company motto: “Scoble dude, relax, it’s only 140 characters.”

Biz wrote: The ongoing, massively coordinated attacks on Twitter this week appear to have been geopolitical in motivation. However, we don’t feel it’s appropriate to engage in speculative discussion about these motivations. The open exchange of information can have a positive impact globally and our job is to keep Twitter services running reliably to the best of our ability.

Translation: And if blaming TechCrunch does not work, there is always Iran to point the finger at!

However, we don’t feel it’s appropriate to engage in speculative discussion of these motivations–mostly because it will just piss off the hackers more and they will crush our little technical operation like it is papier maché.

Which, let’s be honest, it is. Anybody got any spare Elmer’s Glue?

Biz wrote: As a reminder, no data or personal information of any kind has been compromised. Denial of Service attacks are a known quantity on the web and they are not going away any time soon. Nevertheless, we can and will improve system response to these assaults such that they don’t interfere with our normal, everyday Twittering.

Translation: No data or personal information of any kind have been compromised, except–of course–for Ashton Kuchter’s.

But, to be fair, that dude overshares like Perez and Paris Hilton combined and on steroids.

Not that we mind him tweeting pictures of his wife’s posterior, but he makes John Mayer seem shy.

Denial-of-service attacks are a known quantity on the Web, much the way our fail whale is.

Nevertheless, we can and will fail again, so there will be yet another spate of articles and blog posts about the indignity of life without Twittering to show just how indispensable we are.

On the revenue-seeking side, BoomTown’s Twitter Business Plan Count-Up hasn’t yielded any real keepers yet. There is a real contender, though–since Jennifer Aniston so publicly broke up with her boyfriend, John Mayer, on account of his Twitter “addiction,” BoomTown suggests offering “Twitter rehab” for those not willing to lose their relationships just yet. Not sure how zoning would work on that one, but the profit margin could be nice. The Guardian’s Changing Media Summit in London didn’t provide a lot of hard answers to the revenue question either, but it did gather the curious together to discuss the matter further, ponder the Next Big Thing, and talk about what the media company of tomorrow looks like. And, perhaps proving that during hard times Americans love an unlikely hero (a Seabiscuit for our own economic disaster?), Steve Wozniak escaped elimination from “Dancing With The Stars” for yet another week–undoubtedly due to the will of the people and their appreciation of his determined and goodhearted willingness to look silly on national television. The Pillsbury Doughboy bit probably didn’t hurt, either.

On the cost-saving side, MediaMemo wrote about job and salary cuts at the New York Times (NYT). The job cuts were on the business side, but the company slashed all of its nonunion salaries by 2.5-5 percent. It will ask for similar cuts from its unionized newsroom employees, in a spirit of “shared sacrifice.” Google (GOOG) sacrificed 200 more jobs, this time from sales. One of the most drastic signs of recession, however, may be the fact that Condé Nast’s higher echelons are cutting back on chauffeured cars to get them around Manhattan.

According to Digital Daily, It was Black Thursday at IBM (IBM) on the 26th, with 1,674 job losses (and counting). 5,000 jobs are expected to be cut overall, with many of the lost U.S. positions being transferred offshore. Better news over at Viacom’s (VIA) MTV games–according to new statistics, the company’s Rock Band franchise recently surpassed $1 billion in North American retail sales, making it the number one title of 2008 across all genres, based on revenue. And that’s before Beatles: Rock Band even comes close to shipping. That’s the kind of magic shown so far by Palm’s (PALM) forthcoming Pre handset, which–without a price or a release date–has boosted the company’s share price more than $7 based on little more than a CES debut and some enthusiastic analysts. Digital Daily noted that not everyone feels magical, but the launch will tell.

Over in Personal Technology, Walt Mossberg offered quick reviews of the iPhone apps he uses most often and that make the shiny Apple (AAPL) gadget worth the price. In Mossberg’s Mailbox, Walt pointed out the usefulness of IE8′s compatibility button, which makes the browser act like IE7 in certain instances, on Web sites that were coded around the peccadilloes of the earlier versions of the Microsoft (MSFT) software. Other readers had questions about ordering broadband service without a land line and burning movies to Blu-ray discs using an iMac. Katie Boehret spent the week testing out a new TV from Samsung–the first to integrate with the Yahoo (YHOO) Widget Engine, which enables viewers to watch shows and access the Web on the same large screen. Her thoughts are in The Mossberg Solution.

More next week.

Yesterday, the revenue-unencumbered microblogging service, Twitter, came up with ExecTweets, sponsored by Microsoft (MSFT), as a way to bring in the simoleons.

Without diving into the deep specifics, suffice it to say, BoomTown is not exactly doing somersaults at the idea of following, say, what the fine execs at AIG are up to on a regular basis (Typical tweet: Taxing stolen taxpayer-funded bonuses?!? Where’s the outrage?).

Still, good for Twitter for at least pretending it actually cares about profits.

Because I truly do, and recently initiated a “Twitter Business Plan Count-Up,” dedicated to helping the Silicon Valley start-up come up with money-generating ideas.

That included charging the overhyping media a fee every time they mentioned Twitter and a wearable Twitter-branded device and fleece blanket outfit that vibrates every time you get tweeted.

Now, the Board of Innovation has come up with a “random list of ideas” about how Twitter could make money too (see deck embedded below and fiddle with the zoom or click here).

Some of the 77 ideas–many clearly jokes, but a lot not–include: virtual gifts, reputation-building, premium services, group buying, companies paying to remove negative tweets (also known as the Yelp plan), some sort of sex business and even Twit-shirts.

My favorite and most likely scenario: Just sell the company.

Or–given that coming up with Twitter business plans is akin to eating potato chips and you can’t think of just one–I am now thinking that the service could make bank by taking advantage of the “news” that actress Jennifer Aniston broke up with her louche boyfriend and exceptionally whiny singer, John Mayer, because of his incessant tweeting.

According to Star magazine (which is bizarrely accurate at times), a source told it about the couple (pictured here at the Vanity Fair party at the Oscars this year):

“John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her emails and when she would finally catch up with him, he’d say: ‘I’ve been so busy with work. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to call you back.’ …Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with Twitter updates…Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he’d update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like ‘He has time for all this Twittering, but he can’t send me a text, an email, make a call?’”

The nerve! None of us has ever done anything like that!

That aside and also the fact that I am firmly on Team Jolie, let’s try to find an innovative way to get the star-crossed Aniston some of the happiness she so deserves.

(Although, let’s leave aside the fact that one of the people who made so much money on a television show called “Friends” apparently hates social networking.)

Thus, I think there is a real business for those so addicted and wanting to take measures to go into Twitter rehab to save their relationships.

The start-up could open exclusive centers just for celebs and be called something like Twittvarna, and charge an arm and a leg to help them stop writing inane things at all hours of the day and night.

Like, say, this.

But it is a cry for help, as was Mayer’s tweet after the break-up: “This heart didn’t come with instructions.”

Get that man to Twittvarna stat.

In any case, here’s the Board of Innovation deck:

In two weeks, Research in Motion Inc. (RIMM) and T-Mobile will make available the latest version of the BlackBerry: the Curve 8900. This device works as a basic BlackBerry and doesn’t have a sleek touch screen or completely overhauled operating system, nor is it meant to compete with the likes of Apple’s iPhone. But it has a physical keyboard and still manages to look stylish — and that’s no small feat.

The Curve 8900 costs $200 after a $100 mail-in rebate and with a two-year T-Mobile contract. In the BlackBerry family, this model falls into the Goldilocks category of not too big, not too small — just right. RIM’s $300 BlackBerry Bold came out in November, but its large size and high price were turn-offs for some. The BlackBerry Pearl and Pearl Flip are tiny and portable, but use condensed keyboards with multiple letters on each key, which can hinder fast typing.

After using the new Curve for a week, I found it offers a satisfying combination of high-end features, ideal size and good looks. Best of all, its physical keyboard is a dream for thumbs. Unfortunately, its $200 price comes with very little memory — only 256 megabytes built in and a memory card that adds another 256 megabytes. To expand this memory, users must buy microSD cards.

The new Curve is lighter, thinner and not as wide compared with its predecessor. Its surface, including the keyboard, is glossy black with a striking silver frame. The device’s top edge slopes off in a smooth diagonal that cleverly disguises the Lock and Mute/Standby buttons beneath that top-edge piece of black plastic. Number keys are labeled in red so they stand out on the black keyboard and are easy to see when making phone calls. Right and left convenience keys on each side of the BlackBerry can be assigned to open your favorite functions.

The $200 Curve 8900

Unlike older BlackBerrys that all use the same USB cables and chargers, the Curve 8900 has a micro USB port, which is slightly smaller than those on older cables and won’t work with them.

Photo Opportunity

The Curve 8900 shares two features with the touch screen BlackBerry Storm: Both use the same 3.2-megapixel camera with auto focus, image stabilization, 2x digital zoom and flash; and both have the same 480×360 pixel bright screen resolution. I used the camera on my Curve 8900 to capture some photos of Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C., a few days after the inaugural parade, and friends couldn’t believe I took them using a BlackBerry. This camera can also capture video clips.

I really enjoyed using the Curve 8900′s newly designed keyboard. Its keys are flatter than those of the old Curve, which felt like typing on plastic bubbles when I switched back. The flatter design of the new Curve’s keys made them feel less resistant, and allowed my fingers to more quickly move from one key to the next. The larger Send, Menu, Escape and End keys that surround the trackball also are flatter and are on the same plane as the screen, giving the surface a smoother look.

This BlackBerry uses T-Mobile’s Quad-band EDGE, not a 3G connection like the BlackBerry Bold or Apple iPhone. For an extra $10 a month in addition to a monthly plan, users may opt for T-Mobile’s Unlimited HotSpot Calling.

Wi-Fi Detector

This feature works so that the Curve automatically detects when it’s near a pre-set Wi-Fi network and uses that network for voice calling or data instead of T-Mobile’s connection. Phone calls that are started in Wi-Fi networks will seamlessly be handed over to the T-Mobile network and the minutes won’t be docked from your data plan; calls started in the cellular network will switch over to Wi-Fi but will continue to dock minutes from your voice plan.

I made a handful of phone calls on the Curve, and the connection sounded clear on both ends. According to RIM, the battery life of the Curve 8900 beats that of the old Curve 8300 in talk time — 5.5 hours compared with four hours — but is a little weaker than the old Curve’s standby battery life, lasting just 15 days between charges, compared with 17 days. I didn’t run an exact battery test, but I noticed that I didn’t have to change my charging schedule from what I regularly do with the old Curve 8300.

I downloaded a few apps, including Facebook, Google Maps and TwitterBerry, and these worked as they do on my older Curve, though a bit faster. Compared with the iPhone’s selection, BlackBerry apps look rather primitive. RIM plans to open an app store in March that will sell apps that will work with this new Curve and other BlackBerrys. Apple (AAPL) and Google (GOOG) have already established app stores that users can access from their devices.

Too Little Memory

This is where the 8900′s relatively minuscule memory becomes a problem. It’s easy to use up the 512 megabytes of total memory by downloading apps like these and taking large-sized photos or video clips with the built-in camera. Comparatively, the $199 iPhone comes with 8 gigabytes of built-in memory. But memory cards are fairly inexpensive today; a quick search on BestBuy.com (BBY) found 2-gigabyte microSD cards for $15.

A 512-megahertz processor gives this new Curve some zip, and I had no trouble quickly surfing the Web, opening Web links embedded in emails or attached photos and Word documents. Videos, including a John Mayer music video and various YouTube clips, played without any jerky skips. Sound was emitted from a small but mighty speaker on the back of the Curve.

Some people simply won’t abandon their physical keyboards for touch screen, no matter what. For them, the BlackBerry Curve 8900 blends the comfortable size, attractive keyboard and stylish design necessary to make a winning device.

Edited By Walter S. Mossberg

• Email us at mossbergsolution@wsj.com. Find this and other columns and videos online free at the All Things Digital Web site: http://walt.allthingsd.com

]]> http://allthingsd.com/20090127/a-blackberry-thats-easy-on-your-thumbs/feed/ 0 http://allthingsd.com/20080509/weepy-singer-john-mayer-is-actually-funny/ http://allthingsd.com/20080509/weepy-singer-john-mayer-is-actually-funny/#comments Fri, 09 May 2008 08:05:24 +0000 Kara Swisher http://kara.allthingsd.com/20080509/weepy-singer-john-mayer-is-actually-funny/ While I sometimes want to throttle him for his more cloying songs, like the agonizing “Your Body Is a Wonderland,” it’s clear John Mayer has a good sense of humor about his image.

The smoky-eyed singer-songwriter and guitarist, who also has yet to meet a Hollywood actress he doesn’t date (current date: Jennifer Aniston!), just released this spoof video on the songwriting process for Funny or Die comedy video site.

It’s worth a watch:

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