Ah, there’s nothing like a manly hissy fit amongst a passel of white dudes in Silicon Valley to open the fall television viewing season!

In this latest episode of “Glee,” a group of Super Angel Cheerios–who apparently like a good bottle of Kistler or two–plot to stop the entrepreneur kids from getting to the valuations they’ve been working so hard to inflate.

Dave “Sue Sylvester” McClure uses his bullhorn blog to call foul about a not-naming-names-but-still-really-mad-as-hell story of collusion by that creepy kid from the school newspaper who wants to blackmail Rachel into a date.

Well, that got the gleek club’s teacher, Mr. Ron Conway, mighty irked, and so he wrote an email–which was somehow, in some way “leaked”–to express his various, sundry and decidedly complex feelings.

Thus, the need for a thorough decoding:

Ron wrote: Subject: Super Angels Gathering

Translation: I myself am a Super Duper Angel and therefore am not at all hurt that I was not invited to the fancy wine restaurant called Bin 38, which I would so enjoy.

Not. At. All.

Sigh. I love a good Kistler chard.

Was Sacca there?

Ron wrote: I want to share my views on the two gatherings you had in June and this week and what they represent in my opinion.

I want to clarify once and for all my total disagreement with your values and motives for being investors.

Translation: I was not there, but this does not stop me from completely going all Judge Judy–indicting, trying and convicting you, and despite the fact that one of my own partners was at the faux-controversial dinner.

I do this with a sense of righteous indignation that shall endear me to the entrepreneurs I would so dearly love to steal right out from under you.

Ron wrote: I have stated consistently for year that I invest because I love helping entrepenuers and watching them learn and succeed.

I am honored that entrepenuers share their crystal ball views of the future of innovation and technology with us and respect the guts it takes to start a company.

Translation: Here’s where I spread it on thick.

Just a small town geek
Livin’ in a lonely world
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere (actually Palo Alto).

Just a city boy
Born and raised in a very nice crib in San Francisco.
He took the midnight limo goin’ anywhere (except not to Bin 38).

Some Supers in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can collude all night
It goes on and on and on and on.

Ron wrote: At SV Angel we try to reciprocate by adding value any way we can.

I think that actions speak louder than words and SV Angel has always been a friend of entrepenuers and we focus our business to help entrepenuers achieve success.

Translation: I might not be able to spell “entrepreneur,” and perhaps an SV Angel partner was present and accounted for at this dinner, but please instead focus on my jazz hands that are telling a tale of entrepreneurial adoration.

Ron wrote: The world of startups would be a better place if you spent less time complaining about deal structures, terms, vc’s, and valuations etc and the cars you drive, and just helped entrepenuers build their companies.

Translation: I have never complained about such things, except in the video below, in which I do.

Particularly about Porches. Um, Porsches.

Ron wrote: The Free Enterprise system is very efficient…why not let the marketplace demands decide on these issues, its worked for many many years. These startups are binary…they succeed or fail so why waste time on deal structures, terms, vc’s, and valuations etc and just help entrepenuers build their companies.

Translation: From this moment out, there will be no more convoluted term sheets from me. I am just going to leave a barrel full of money by the door of my “entrepeneur”-paid-for-it apartment and any nerd can grab a handful or two.

Ron wrote: In my opinion your motives are driven by self serving factors around ego satisfaction and “making a buck”.

My motives and values are very different.

Translation: To paraphrase a line from the upcoming movie about Facebook–which is one of my investments, in case I did not mention it:

Making a buck isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? Making a billion bucks!

Ron wrote: They are so different I want to be up front with you and recognize this and disengage from any involvement with you. I will not be a hypocrite.

I think you have a different value set and lets agree to disagree and not have to even engage in any idle chit chat or discussion of any sort….ever.

Translation: Super Duper Angels are from Venus, Super Angels are from Mars.

Ron wrote: Furhermore, I regret David Lee was involved in the gatherings. I am sure he does too.

We talked about the first dinner and I encouraged him to write the email above and withdraw…I know he was uncomfortable with both gatherings…where no one was there to speak up for the interests of the entrepenuers.

Translation: David Lee, my partner, was very uncomfortable at the gathering. Which is why he went twice.

Two times, to make sure he was completely regretful.

One. Then two. He felt just awful.

To be fair, the wine was superb.

Ron wrote: By now you are rolling your eyes and saying “Ron’s a ___________(fill in the blank)…and who is he to pass judgement…..

We are all entitled to our opinions.

‘
Translation: How about this fill-in-the-blank: Ron’s a little old to be throwing mud pies at the other investors in a digital sandbox.

We are all entitled to our opinions.

Ron wrote: I am just being honest and transparent….the way most of the entrepenuers I invest are…

What do you think the entrepenuers you have funded are thinking right now.

Translation: Does this sound like pandering to the cheap seats, while also engaging in some not-so-subtle self-aggrandizement? Perish the thought!

But here’s what I hope they are thinking–let’s all dump the Super Angels and go back to Silicon Valley’s original Sugar Daddy Ron.

Ron wrote: This is despicable and embarrassing for the tech community in my opinion.

Can you learn from this ?

Translation: Oh, dear–here’s the part where Mr. Schuester sums up what all the kids learned this week, perhaps via a poignant song. I hope it’s not from “Cats.”

Ron wrote: Please keep this confidential even though I know that will be hard since two of you let your egos take over and show Arrington how important you are by telling him you were headed to a “secret” angel gathering.

Translation: Yes, don’t leak this by any means. Not by email, which works perfectly if you use your personal Gmail account.

I also have no idea how every investment strategy deck I do somehow reaches TechCrunch in its entirety.

It’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a Gmail–you know, in case you did not know, I was a very early investor in Google (GOOG).

Ron wrote: Dave McCLure…pls try not to blog about this and cause silicon valley more embarrassment with your unprofessional classless writings

Translation: Yes, Dave, leave the unprofessional classless writings to the professionals. Like BoomTown!

Ron wrote: Note: I did not include those who were at the gatherings who I don’t know well enough to form an opinion around their motives or values.

Translation: You’re next if you keep messing with my Super Duper Angel investing business.

Don’t stop believin’ that.

And here’s Ron unplugged:

If you want to get to the heart of the truly dysfunctional relationship between Yahoo and Microsoft, consider the alleged 24-hour deadline that Yahoo claimed Microsoft and its loyal sidekick, activist investor Carl Icahn, gave the company to respond to the pair’s most recent joint proposal to settle their differences.

I say “alleged,” because as in all things related to this takeover mess, the trio disagrees on exactly what even that meant.

Frankly, it’s enough to make one think former President Bill Clinton’s definition of what “is” is makes more sense.

Yahoo (YHOO), in a rather strong statement Saturday night, said Microsoft tried to jam the company into swallowing a semi-sweetened new search deal with a side order of Icahn control.

But Microsoft (MSFT) sources scoff at the notion, noting that they only wanted to try to move a deal forward more quickly than the previous interminable roundelays that have exhausted everyone.

Before we get to this latest disagreement, here are the terms of the new Microsoft/Icahn joint deal to take control of Yahoo’s search business and hand over the rest to Icahn, which, according to numerous sources from both sides, was quickly rejected by Yahoo Saturday.

The deal included:

– $1 billion for Yahoo’s search business and a five-year guarantee of $2.3 billion in search ad revenue, with an option to renew it for another five years at a $1.6 billion minimum;

– An offer by Microsoft to buy $3.9 billion of Yahoo shares, and lend the company $2.8 billion at a five percent interest rate, by taking over a part of its debt. The money would be used to give a special dividend to shareholders;

– An agreement to raise the TAC rate (a payout to Yahoo on each search query) to 85 percent from its former offer of 70 percent, for three years, and to 75 percent after that;

– A plan, unclear as to specifics, to spin off Yahoo’s Asian assets, with money going to shareholders;

– And, last of all and the obvious dealbreaker, Icahn would get control of the rest of the company, which includes the massive content and communications assets. Apparently, one or two current Yahoo board members could possibly stay on. Presumably, Icahn could then strike a deal to merge those with assets of News Corp.’s (NWS) MySpace or Time Warner’s (TWX) AOL. (News Corp. is the owner of Dow Jones and of this site.)

But, Yahoo rejected the proposal in strong terms, especially stressing that it would not negotiate such a big deal under a time constraint.

Here’s Yahoo’s official version, from a statement :

“The proposal was made on Friday evening and Yahoo! was given less than 24 hours to accept the proposal, the fundamental terms of which Microsoft and Mr. Icahn made clear they were unwilling to negotiate.”

And Chairman Roy Bostock piled on: “After negotiating among themselves without the involvement of Yahoo!, Carl Icahn and Microsoft presented us with a ‘take it or leave it’ proposal under which we would be required to restructure the Company, hand over to Microsoft Yahoo!’s valuable search business and to Carl Icahn the rest of the Company, giving us less than 24 hours to respond. It is ludicrous to think that our Board could accept such a proposal.”

Microsoft sources consider the talks much less dramatic that that, noting that Yahoo had been talking to Icahn all week, and especially Thursday, about a new deal to take over Yahoo’s search business, and that an Icahn board was mentioned.

And, they add, Bostock was the one who insisted to Icahn that he needed to talk to Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer directly, even though the software giant had publicly said it was unwilling to do so anymore.

But several times, the trio, along with a passel of bankers and lawyers, did just this, starting last Thursday night and, most significantly, Friday afternoon for 45 minutes.

It was in that call that the three sides discussed the proposal in detail, which included slides sent from Microsoft, although there was no term sheet.

Ballmer, a source close to both Yahoo and Microsoft said, did express being tired of the endless loop Yahoo and Microsoft were caught in and said that he did not want prolonged negotiations to go on.

This was not an ultimatum, according to Microsoft sources, but more of an expression of weariness at a new round of tedious back-and-forth.

“This has just gotten impossible,” said one Microsoft source. “We just wanted to have talks that went somewhere.”

When pressed, some sources close to Yahoo do confirm that they talked extensively to Icahn and then Microsoft. The 24-hour number came about because Ballmer asked Bostock to get back to him the next day, but that it was not exactly what one would call a threat.

“We felt he was saying Microsoft was not willing to put more on the table and, if we agreed to it, it would have been on their terms,” one source explained.

You get the picture–this is how wars start.

And that’s where Yahoo is now headed with Icahn–and by extension, Microsoft–as their proxy fight shifts into high gear heading into Yahoo’s annual meeting on Aug. 1.

What would it take to get Yahoo and Microsoft to come to some sort of rational agreement to strike a partnership of some sort before that?

Well, Sigmund Freud might be a start–or even Dr. Phil at this point–in this warped relationship.

Now, it seems, we’ll be moving directly to Judge Judy.

More on that later today.