Maybe it’s just me, but is this video from Microsoft, featuring “Chet”–the software giant’s “creative presentation consultant” for the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week–freaky or not?

It’s a Zen-style joke, of course, but what is the sound of one hand clapping?

CEO Steve Ballmer will be giving his usual keynote speech on Wednesday night and is about as anti-Chet as it gets.

Until then, here are the two Chet videos:

In the middle of the report, I embedded a video from a recent speech Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg made at a women-focused TED event, which I thought spoke eloquently to the topic.

In fact, the social networking giant–as well as social gaming site Zynga, social buying site Groupon, geolocation site Foursquare and microblogging site Twitter–was one of the companies without any women on its board.

Including Sandberg, although she attends its meetings (but not its executive sessions).

Here’s her TED talk, which is well worth watching:

BoomTown went down to Silicon Valley’s most exclusive country club–also known as Stanford University–where Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer took to the stage today for a talk at Memorial Auditorium for the Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders Seminar.

4:32 pm PDT: Ballmer was pretty much on time, delivering a rousing hello and some good words about being back. He had attended Stanford Business School many moons ago, before dropping out and joining Microsoft (MSFT). Good move, I’d say.

He offered anyone in the room jobs, if they were smart, and then gave out his email. Although he did leave out the pertinent fact that the software giant just laid off 3,000 workers earlier this week.

Well, that.

Then, Ballmer launched into his speech, which began with him talking about the “tough economy.”

The slide behind him was a picture of a glass half-empty or half-full, depending on your attitude, with the notes:

Economic “Reset”

Optimistic about the future.

4:40 pm: Ballmer then told his “entrepreneurial” story. There was a lovely picture of the young Ballmer with some hair. Not much, but some.

Lots of chatter about old computers ensued. Zzzzzzzz.

The early days of Microsoft were next, including how founder Bill Gates was worried about how Ballmer would bankrupt the nascent company by hiring more staff, a delightful story the pair told at our D: All Things Digital conference last year.

4:46 pm: Then the “emerging technology trends.”

Which are, according to Ballmer: many-core processing; screens everywhere; natural UI; all content digital.

Like All Things Digital! I always knew Steve and I were soul mates!

Because it is Microsoft, he moved into “software-powered experiences,” which means, according to Ballmer’s slide: a rich client + cloud, spans multiple devices and is persistent and personal.

“You world needs to be brought together,” said Ballmer. “You may not want to manage the cacophony of devices you deal with today.”

I may not. Or I may. Ballmer, may I?

4:55 pm: It was not a long or much of a content-rich speech. Ballmer wrapped up with the idea that “The Time Is Now.”

He noted that it is a great time for start-ups, with “all the right ingredients” that “dream big.”

What ingredients? What dreams? Ballmer was not saying much about his secret cooking tips for baking a tech behemoth.

4:57 pm: Time for questions from the students.

The first was about whether big- or small-company experience is better.

Both, said Ballmer. Depending on the problem. “You want to blend those things pretty well,” he said.

It is all about the ingredients! And blending. Also sifting, in my humble opinion.

The next question was about the state of the browser business.

Ballmer said it will get more innovative. We’re waiting!

The next was about what the main problem typically is with companies that have trouble making it.

“Too many companies can actually hang on for almost too long because there has been too much money funding these ideas,” said Ballmer.

Yes, we are soul mates!

5:04 pm: The next question was about the culture of a company from its start and how Ballmer has shaped Microsoft’s culture.

“I would say I have shaped Microsoft culture a lot,” he said. “Sometimes for the better, sometimes worse.”

Ballmer compares himself and Gates to “parents” of Microsoft.

That was very Iowa of him.

(As I said: soul mates!)

5:09 pm: The next question was about how he decided to leave Stanford Business School.

“They still have a spot for me if I want to go back and finish my MBA,” Ballmer joked.

But, he noted, it was not much of a risk to leave school.

When Ballmer did waver about going back to school, Gates convinced him to stay. Thank goodness, as he said he would have become an investment banker or a consultant.

The next question was about Google (GOOG), which was not named, I suppose for fear that it would set Ballmer off and there would be chairs a-flying.

“The No. 1 player [in search] is a lot bigger than us,” said Ballmer. “We are like a start-up.”

Well, a really, really, really rich start-up, which has been sued by the federal government for antitrust violations, and convicted.

5:14 pm: The next question was about ideas he might have missed.

Ballmer called himself “a mini-venture capitalist,” noting that figuring out what investments to make is tough.

He joked about the disastrous Microsoft Bob product. That always gets a laugh.

The next question was about how much attention Microsoft will give to cloud computing.

It gave him the chance to make a pun using the movie, “Three Men and a Baby,” noting that the “future is about three screens and a cloud.”

Ahahahahahahaha! Okay, not at all.

A question was asked about taking risks and tips for dealing with it.

“Valuable experience is valuable experience,” said Ballmer.

Say what? Is that a word puzzle? This is starting to feel like “Angels & Demons.”

Ballmer advised the students to “love doing the work that you’re doing.”

It is apparently all about the love at Microsoft. Who knew?

5:22 pm:

Two questions about consolidation, which is code for Yahoo (YHOO).

“I’m glad we went down the road,” said Ballmer, waxing nostalgic about the failed takeover attempt.

But he added he still thought a partnership of some sort between the pair is a good idea. “There may or may not be appropriate discussions,” said Ballmer.

There may. Or may not. Carol, may Steve?

Then there is some love for competitors, Facebook, even Apple (AAPL) for the iPhone.

Feel the love!

5:25 pm: The last question is about what he wished he had done if he could do it over.

He would have taken more computer science courses.

We are so not soul mates.

Thus, BoomTown’s translation of Saturday’s letter from Microsoft (MSFT) CEO Steve Ballmer to the Yahoo (YHOO) Board of Directors, which has been resisting the software giant’s efforts to buy the troubled Internet portal for $31 a share in an unsolicited takeover.

The well-written letter was surprising in its clarity, but it still masked several secret messages.

Ballmer wrote: April 5, 2008
Board of Directors
Yahoo! Inc.
701 First Avenue
Sunnyvale, CA 94089

Dear Members of the Board:

Translation: Dear Members of the Board, whom I will be replacing very soon with my own slate, which includes the three judges from “American Idol” (Simon promises to behave and Paula promises not to), as well as the sock puppet from Pets.com, the PC Guy in those #@#*! Apple commercials and also Microsoft Bob.

Ballmer wrote: It has now been more than two months since we made our proposal to acquire Yahoo at a 62% premium to its closing price on Jan. 31, 2008, the day prior to our announcement. Our goal in making such a generous offer was to create the basis for a speedy and ultimately friendly transaction. Despite this, the pace of the last two months has been anything but speedy.

Translation: What? A middle of the night crank call from me, yelling and screaming and threatening “Terminator”-like destruction if you did not acquiesce was too much?

Didn’t you get the flowers I sent the next day?

Ballmer wrote: While there has been some limited interaction between management of our two companies, there has been no meaningful negotiation to conclude an agreement. We understand that you have been meeting to consider and assess your alternatives, including alternative transactions with others in the industry, but we’ve seen no indication that you have authorized Yahoo management to negotiate with Microsoft. This is despite the fact that our proposal is the only alternative put forward that offers your shareholders full and fair value for their shares, gives every shareholder a vote on the future of the company, and enhances choice for content creators, advertisers, and consumers.

Translation: I tried not to be annoyed when you had dinner with News Corp.’s (NWS) deal-loving Rupert Murdoch, or when you flirted with those we-gotta-make-some-move-any-move execs at AOL (TWX) (Bebo for $850 million in cash=Microsoft’s $240 million investment in Facebook).

But dithering around with Google (GOOG), whose secret corporate motto is “Poke Microsoft With a Stick Often,” even after it has been slapping you around Silicon Valley for years?

Ballmer wrote: During these two months of inactivity, the Internet has continued to march on, while the public equity markets and overall economic conditions have weakened considerably, both in general and for other Internet-focused companies in particular. At the same time, public indicators suggest that Yahoo’s search and page view shares have declined. Finally, you have adopted new plans at the company that have made any change of control more costly.

Translation: Google keeps slapping you silly in search, then you slap us with a costly severance plan. It’s like we’re Curly in a Web-version of “The Three Stooges.”

Why I oughta….

Ballmer wrote: By any fair measure, the large premium we offered in January is even more significant today. We believe that the majority of your shareholders share this assessment, even after reviewing your public disclosures relating to your future prospects.

Translation: Legg Mason and Cap Re and Citi and the rest of them are with us and not with you. Why? They like us, they really like us. Also, we are much scarier.

Ballmer wrote: Given these developments, we believe now is the time for our respective companies to authorize teams to sit down and negotiate a definitive agreement on a combination of our companies that will deliver superior value to our respective shareholders, creating a more efficient and competitive company that will provide greater value and service to our customers. If we have not concluded an agreement within the next three weeks, we will be compelled to take our case directly to your shareholders, including the initiation of a proxy contest to elect an alternative slate of directors for the Yahoo board. The substantial premium reflected in our initial proposal anticipated a friendly transaction with you. If we are forced to take an offer directly to your shareholders, that action will have an undesirable impact on the value of your company from our perspective, which will be reflected in the terms of our proposal.

Translation: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The easy way includes tasty breakfast pastries and yummy hot cocoa (unlimited marshmallows, of course!) and lots and lots of hugging.

The hard way? Tepid lattes in the Silicon Valley soup kitchen lines for you, after your stock drops to the bottom of a bottomless well when we pull out!

Ballmer wrote: It is unfortunate that by choosing not to enter into substantive negotiations with us, you have failed to give due consideration to a transaction that has tremendous benefits for Yahoo’s shareholders and employees. We think it is critically important not to let this window of opportunity pass.

Translation: Like I said before, I won’t be ignored, Jerry! I have a very sharp proxy firm and I am not afraid to use it!

Also, I am not above boiling your annoying exclamation point.

Ballmer wrote: Sincerely,

Steven A. Ballmer
Chief Executive Office
Microsoft Corp.

Translation: If you’ll be my bodyguard,/I can be your long lost pal!/I can call you Jerry,/And Jerry, when you call me,/You can call me Steve!