Me, I’m a peppy, perky guy. Ask anybody! Still, if I were a gloomy Gus, I’d spend some time reminiscing about 2010′s Consumer Electronics Show, where I spent a bunch of time checking out:

• Hearst’s Skiff e-reader
• The Plastic Logic Que e-reader
• Palm’s new line of smartphones
• Keychest, a dizzingly dull rights-management scheme from Disney.

A year later, and they’re all gone: Either officially dead, or just pining for fjords, and very unlikely to perk up.

Not all of this stuff was vaporware, in the technical sense. Palm, at least, really did sell a few of those Palm Pre Pluses before it gave up and sold out to HP.

Still, an 0-for-4 experience like that is enough to make a humble media correspondent want to avoid checking out new technology altogether, and that’s basically what I’m going to do.

I might take a look at the UltraViolet media locker demo, but that’s about it. I’m headed to Las Vegas this morning* with the primary goal of talking to media people, many of whom live in New York, just like I do.

So yes, it might seem a little odd to head across the country to talk to people who live and work a few miles away, but there’s a logic to it. Trust me!**

And if you do want smart, incisive technology coverage, trust the rest of the All Things D team: Walt, Katie, Kara and Ina are on the ground already, and the rest of the gang is monitoring developments from their home bases. It’s good stuff!

*Not just because I enjoy being fashionably late, but because it was many hundreds of dollars cheaper to fly out today than earlier in the week. (And also because I’m old, and at my age every extra day you spend in Las Vegas is a dog year.)

**Totally not a boondoggle. Note the line about saving money on airfare, above.

Even for a story in which everyone involved insists there was no funny business going on, that’s a perfectly natural reaction and I get the prurient interest.

Thus, the resignation of Hewlett-Packard (HPQ) head Mark Hurd and the private settlement of sexual harassment claims with consultant Jodie Fisher have morphed into a juicy summer potboiler, complete with claims and counterclaims, and even a cheesy demo reel (see below).

And also the odd appearance of Gloria Allred, lawyer to seemingly every celebrity mistress in California. Fisher said in a statement (also see below) she was no such thing, and was “saddened” by Hurd’s ouster.

Seems like crocodile tears to me, but today, when the markets open, we’ll see if any of it matters to investors or if they have moved on to trying to determine the next moves for the tech giant and its leadership.

Let’s hope Wall Street is less interested in gory details and more in business performance.

Still, already, the judgment on the Hurd debacle has hurt HP shareholders badly, shaving 9.7 percent off its shares, which closed down $4.50 at $41.85.

Encouragingly, the stock was up 1.8 percent in after-hours trading. But continued swirl around the company–especially about the large exit compensation package Hurd grabbed on his way out–could keep the stock in the doldrums for a while.

That’s too bad, since HP just put itself in the limelight with the acquisition of Palm and indications that it fully intended to compete in the fast-moving smartphone and tablet market with the webOS software platform.

Now, instead of turning up the public effort this year on making its consumer offerings more like Apple (AAPL) and Google (GOOG), the company is likely to be occupied answering questions that are not exactly on point.

As in: Who knew what and when and how was it expensed?

That means a very important message that HP needs to be getting out in the months ahead is not likely to break through for a while.

And that is why it is critical that HP’s board–which seems to have acted unusually swiftly and decisively with regard to Hurd’s missteps–move even faster to install a credible CEO at HP, especially one who can get everyone off the current meme and back onto the challenges facing the business.

In fact, much as Hurd did when he replaced Carly Fiorina in 2005 and quickly began to clean up her obvious mess. Except for a few bumps, the stock rebounded in his tenure, which was marked by stability and, well, dullness.

No longer.

In a statement Hurd made as he stepped down late last week, he said:

“I realized there were instances in which I did not live up to the standards and principles of trust, respect and integrity that I have espoused at HP.”

Apparently not. Now shareholders are about to find out the price of his failure.

Until then, here’s Fisher’s demo reel video and statement, as well as the classic “Nudge, Nudge” skit from Monty Python:

Jodie Fisher statement on ex-Hewlett-Packard CEO Mark Hurd –

If you liked the “Mr. Creosote” sketch in “Monty Python’s Meaning of Life,” you’ll like this one. And if you didn’t…well, you’re like many other folks, some of whom complained loudly enough to get Microsoft (MSFT) to yank the ad, though it still lives in Google’s (GOOG) YouTube.

Microsoft’s explanation for the spot, and its removal, via an email to CNET:

We make a point of listening to our customers. We created the … video as a tongue-in-cheek look at the InPrivate Browsing feature of Internet Explorer 8, using the same irreverent humor that our customers told us they liked about other components of the Internet Explorer 8 marketing campaign. While much of the feedback to this particular piece of creative was positive, some of our customers found it offensive, so we have removed it.

A reminder: These spots are not the work of Crispin Porter + Bogusky, the high-profile ad shop that gets associated with most of Microsoft’s marketing work these days. They’re from Indiana-based Bradley and Montgomery and they’re directed by Bobcat Goldthwait, for whom I’ve already professed my admiration.

These were Goldthwait’s first commercials, though, and it will be interesting to see if he gets another shot. And in retrospect, he did hint that this might be coming when he talked to Techflash after the first of his browser ads hit the Web last month:

Well, the folks at (Bradley and Montgomery), the agency that wrote ‘em, I would have to credit them with my involvement, and also Microsoft. I think they were trying to do something that was a little less mainstream, and I think that’s (what led to) my involvement. Normally the corporate world is very frightened of hiring the dude from Police Academy to direct their stuff, so I’m flattered and I was really happy. There’s a couple more coming up, too, so I’m actually looking forward to those being released, because I think they’re a little more nutty in tone.

Want to see for yourself? Have at it. But don’t complain to us afterward.

Google (GOOG) has expanded its YouTube eCommerce program, which lets users “click-to-buy” products related to the video they’re watching on YouTube, by extending the offers to viewers in Germany, Spain and the Netherlands; they had previously been limited to U.S. and U.K. users.

And instead of just adding an affiliate link to Apple’s (AAPL) iTunes or to Amazon (AMZN) at the bottom of the video, YouTube is now featuring the links on transparent overlays that pop up early in the clip. Check out the Monty Python clip below, which features a link that lets surfers buy a $99 box set (that looks like a pretty good deal, actually). [UPDATE: My apologies. Looks as if the overlay ads aren't running on embedded clips, which makes them even more marginal. If you want to see what they look like, you'll have to view them on YouTube itself.]

This is small stuff, and won’t move the needle for Google–or even YouTube, for that matter. But Google is doing lots of small stuff these days, like text ads on its image search, iPhone-ready ads, etc.

You can argue that the company needs to do that because its core business is slowing or because the economy is pummeling the company just as it is everyone else. But expect to see many more tweaks like this in the future: Perhaps we’ll hear more about them tomorrow afternoon, when the company announces its fourth-quarter results.

“Google is now officially our best friend.”

Oh no.

Instantly, an image popped into my brain– that of the slithery Kaa singing “Trust in Me (The Python Song)” to Mowgli from the Disney classic animated film, “The Jungle Book.”

“Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me
You can sleep safe and sound
Knowing I am around

Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me.”

You know what happens next, of course. A big squeeze, but not the good kind.

While Yahoo (YHOO) might not have wanted to be acquired by Microsoft (MSFT), its alternative to goose its revenues by relying on Google (GOOG) in an outsourced online search-ad deal is one it might regret even more if struck.

Why? Aside from the potential antitrust issues, which are distracting at the very least, it fundamentally puts one of Yahoo’s main businesses–search advertising–directly into the hands of the very company that killed off Yahoo’s chances of ever succeeding in the arena in the first place.

By its inability to innovate search–not exactly Google’s strong suit–and also not moving quickly enough after acquiring the once-superior technology from its Overture acquisition, Yahoo had perhaps already nailed itself into its own coffin.

But by now signing an outsourcing deal with Google, it will be saying that it cannot compete at all in the key arena of the Internet going forward.

AOL (TWX) did this kind of deal with Google and saw its search share dwindle, even though it collected Google’s payoffs. Now it is essentially a vassal state of Google, as its display businesses has weakened with the economy and its access business is to be cleaved off.

Speaking of pythons, Infectious Greed blogger Paul Kedrosky compared Yahoo to the crack suicide squad in Monty Python’s hysterical “Life of Brian.”

Still, Yahoo is putting lipstick on the pig.

In a statement today after news of the Microsoft pullout was revealed, Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock asserted that Yahoo was “steadfast in our belief that Microsoft’s offer undervalued the company and we are pleased that so many of our shareholders joined us in expressing that view.”

Those supposedly pleased shareholders will be hard to find Monday after the market opens and Yahoo shares hurtle downward.

Whether Yahoo’s management has the talent to pull the stock out of the basement remains to be seen, although Bostock added that Yahoo is “profitable, growing, and executing well on its strategic plan to capture the large opportunities in the relatively young online advertising market.”

Actually, it is Google that is executing well and that has always been Yahoo’s problem. Now it must apparently turn that disadvantage into a virtue, while it is under enormous scrutiny from everyone and everywhere to perform.

And that kind of pressure could crush just about anything.

For a more amusing take on being squeezed, here’s a video–courtesy of Google’s copyright-infringing YouTube–of Kaa singing to Mowgli (which might soon seem very familiar to Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang):

And here is the video of the crack suicide squad from “Life of Brian”:

Please see this disclosure related to me and Google.