Oh horror of horrors–Steve Wozniak got sent home last night on the ABC celebrity hoofer-fest, “Dancing with the Stars.”

Whatever will BoomTown do without the peculiar gyrations of the Apple (AAPL) co-founder to praise effusively and mock relentlessly at the very same time?

But with a truly terrible Tango and the lowest judges’ score (12 out of 30) of the remaining 11 contestants from his Monday night outing, Woz’s only chance was the voters at home.

That had worked the week before.

But, sadly, the tally this week was not enough to save him and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, or “The Girls Next Door” star Holly Madison and her partner Dmitry Chaplin. Both couples were dinged at the same time.

Said Woz about his experience, which included a hamstring injury and a foot fracture, as well as allegations of voting hijinks:

“I will dance wherever I am. I will take ballroom lessons. I’ll make it a part of my life. I hope there are a lot of other people like me that never danced their entire lives. [People] sitting at a computer terminal all day long, who are afraid to [dance]. You can actually go out there and dance and have fun.”

Well said.

And to show you what he means, here are the four videos of his clumsy but adorkable dancing efforts on “DWTS,” as well as some post-loss interviews in reverse order:

Good Morning America (with funny Footloose segment):

Jimmy Kimmel Live (with shoe-burning):

Elimination:

Week 4–Argentine Tango:

Week 3–Samba:

Week 2–Quickstep (dance-off):

Week 1–Cha-cha-cha:

Getting a foot fracture, pulling a hamstring, claiming there was a voting conspiracy, getting an abysmal score of 10 out of 30 from the judges (the lowest score ever) and, of course, dancing with as much grace as a block of cement were not enough to sink the Good Ship Wozniak last night on “Dancing With the Stars.”

Instead, the people spoke loud and proud for continued goofiness by voting for the clod-hopping Apple (AAPL) co-founder in droves and tossing off actress and Charlie Sheen nemesis, Denise Richards.

“I was more shocked than any time in my life,” said Woz. “Maybe except when I got served with divorce papers.”

It helped his cause, I think, that the judges tried to hand him walking papers on Monday, with one calling his dance “the worst samba I’ve ever seen.”

Well, that was technically true. But the people have chosen to ignore that little detail and are focusing instead on the sheer entertainment value of Woz.

Next up: Tango Argentina!

Or, most likely in Woz’s version: Mangled Argentina.

Here’s the video from the ABC show of the announcement last night, when the shocked Woz and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, found out they were were safe, including a very cute Pillsbury Doughboy moment right after.

That the rotund Woz allowed a Pillsbury Doughboy moment on national television tells you all you need to know about why he is still in the competition:

At least Apple (AAPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak can pun through the pain of his foot fracture and pulled hamstring.

“Hey, well, one thing I learned is that if you mix a little dancing with a little Smirnoff, you might end up in an ambulance,” he joked, riffing on the name of his partner, Karina Smirnoff.

What he can’t do, of course, is dance very well, which was why he got the low, low score of 10 out of 30 last night from the judges on his third week of “Dancing with the Stars.”

“Steve, on your knees and beg forgiveness–this was the worst Samba I’ve ever seen, I think–just bad,” said Bruno Tonioli.

“I just hope the viewers enjoyed it as an entertainment, because for me, it was consistent–it was terrible from start to finish,” said Len Goodman.

And, while she called Woz “adorable,” Carrie Ann Inaba delivered the bomb: “At some point, the novelty wears off…you’re like the uncle at the party that we just root for.”

Well, maybe for her it gets old, but not the rest of us completely riveted to exactly what wacky stunt and what level of atrocious dancing Woz will deliver next on the ABC television show.

Oh, it was a bad Samba. A very bad Samba. Sam-bad.

But from his decidedly odd “worm” to his accusing the producers of vote-rigging to his pink boa, Woz should still get the ballot box stuffed Silicon Valley-style.

Woz was cheerfully defiant about his performance, joking that he probably deserved a lesser score even: “I enjoy it and I am going to try to bring my form of entertainment to the world.”

World geek dancing domination!

So vote early and often tomorrow so that he can overcome his lack of dancing ability and win first place on this ridiculous show!

Here’s the video:

Also here are Woz’s missives to the fans on his Facebook page from yesterday, after the jump:

On Mar 23, 2009, at 1:53 AM, Steve Wozniak wrote:

Yesterday evening I was sure that I couldn’t dance on Monday, due to so much pain that I would wince when I walked. It wasn’t pretty.

My partner, Karina, is very familiar with such injuries and worse. She was of the opinion that if I withdrew from Dancing With The Stars, rumors would fly that I was using this injury as an excuse. She has danced with pulled hamstrings many times. I can tell you from how this one felt, that it’s not the same for a 20 year old as it is for a 58 year old.

Karina modified our routine to keep it as good, but avoid a few maneuvers that caused me extreme pain. We practiced a few times last night on the real DWTS stage and I decided that I could do the dance, a Samba, on Monday (tomorrow).

We practiced today. I had very little problem with my pain in the dance but now had to learn different sequences of the whole routine, and connect them. You have heard of muscle memory. One step reminds your foot of the next step, and so on. But now we took chunks in the middle and rewrote them. Plus we lost nearly 2 days of rehearsal due to my inability to do anything, not to mention hospitals and MRI’s and more over 2 days. So rehearsal-wise, we are behind everyone else, but we are feeling confident that we can do something of value tomorrow. You’ll have to see.

I have much more to say to you all, but it’s an incredibly tired time for me.

Please, keep email and phone calls to an absolute minimum. I will not necessarily be by either with any time at all tomorrow. I have to ask your help in minimizing this.

thanks,

Woz

On Mar 23, 2009, at 2:41 PM, Steve Wozniak wrote:

http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancingwiththestars/index?pn=aboutthevote

If that URL doesn’t work, go to –Dancing With The Stars–click the “Vote Now” tab.

I can’t stress how important in my case the audience voting is. It can fairly easily make the difference between last place and first place. When you are in the dance-off, you have to take extra time preparing for it instead of your next dance, which gets you further behind for the next week’s dance. It’s unfortunately a case of positive feedback and votes can pull me out of that situation. If you pull me out, I will owe you and love you all forever, as I do people who attended my US Festivals.

best regards,

Woz

On Mar 23, 2009, at 6:46 PM, Steve Wozniak wrote:

Dress rehearsal had a wardrobe malfunction

My pants were falling down and I had to keep pulling them up!

Ha ha, everyone loved it.

Also, before heading to the stage, Karina was looking for me and the camera went down to me crawling on the floor with a hurt leg. They loved it so much they asked us to do it live tonight.

The pants are being repaired now. I can’t tell you how it feels to have your pants falling off in a dance. I lost too much weight again.

The worm went great in dress rehearsal. Enjoy the show tonight.

best wishes to all,

Woz

Apple (AAPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak sure knows how to make things dramatic.

For the second time, after a foot fracture, his continued appearance on the ABC celebrity show “Dancing With the Stars” (pictured here with partner Karina Smirnoff) appears in jeopardy, due to an apparent hamstring injury he suffered at practice on Friday.

Curiously, a photo of Woz on a stretcher and an update of his injured status were taken off his Woz.org blog sometime over the weekend (I saw the picture on Saturday night, but it is impossible to find now).

Also previously 86ed was a letter he had posted and then unposted about his contention that some vote-rigging was taking place on the show, which he leveled earlier in the week.

Woz had picked and then unpicked this fight with the “DWTS” producers about their use of drama to goose ratings, related to his dance-off last week as a last-place contender.

“The producers play games to get viewers and don’t disclose the numbers. If they disclosed the numbers, it would be less of a game, but still suspect,” he said at first last week.

In a follow-up email soon after, Woz did the verbal equivalent of a clumsy 180-spin: “Yesterday, I wrote my suspicions of the secret ‘Dancing With The Stars’ audience vote tabulations. I wrote that the producers were liars, simply because I truly believed in that possibility, not because I had a shred of evidence. I hurt a lot of honest people.”

Also, even better, Woz favorably compared himself to a Teletubby on his Web site (see picture here by Janet Wozniak).

Whew! And all this before he has even stepped onto the floor for the third week of “DWTS,” which airs live tonight.

All the hubbub seems to have worked, since the blogs are full of Woz’s antics and not those of other contestants. It is, in fact, a modern miracle that Woz has garnered more attention than the publicity heat-seeking missile that is Denise Richards.

Will the hobbled Woz be dancing the samba or foxtrot in that clodhopper nerd style that has endeared him to those in Silicon Valley who have voted early and often to keep him alive?

As they say: Tune in tonight!

Under cover of darkness last night, Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced on the social-networking site’s blog that it would “return to our previous terms of use while we resolve the issues that people have raised.”

Oh, this is just too good to resist. Therefore, BoomTown shall not tarry in our ongoing job of busting the chops of the young Facebook leader, whose minions have actually–and I am not joking here–given him the nickname: The Wizard.

Well, the Wizard obviously had to pull back the curtain last night and show some serious mea culpa to the people, before they got out the pitchforks.

That’s due to the controversy Facebook has been embroiled in this week about changes it recently made to its Terms of Service that gave the company unusually sweeping rights over customers’ content and privacy.

While Zuckerberg had said in his first post about the issue that Facebook was not in the content-stealing business, the strong language in the ToS sent the usual suspects into a major meltdown over the possibility that the young geek had gone into full-scale evil mogul mode.

As if!

In fact, Zuckerberg has been ensconced in his Silicon Valley lair for years now, counting down until he knows precisely everything about everyone’s drunken college days!

Until D-Day then, here is my translation of his latest backtracking post:

What the Wizard wrote: Update on Terms

Today at 10:17 pm

Translation: OK, I have reached my limit of being yelled at by Sheryl and Elliot, have had my usual breakfast of Red Bull and Frosted Flakes–they’re grrreat!–and am ready to eat some major digital crow this morning.

I mean, night, which is my morning, because I actually slept through all this noise today about this whole Terms of Service “controversy.”

What the Wizard wrote: A couple of weeks ago, we revised our terms of use hoping to clarify some parts for our users. Over the past couple of days, we received a lot of questions and comments about the changes and what they mean for people and their information. Based on this feedback, we have decided to return to our previous terms of use while we resolve the issues that people have raised.

Translation: Did you know crow is delicious if you eat it with a little Bosco on top?

More to the point, I would just like to assure you that we have taken our lawyers–who idiotically rewrote our ToS to give us ownership rights to the Bible, “American Idol” and everything Bill O’Reilly utters–and sent them over to our friends at MySpace, because their owner, News Corp. (NWS), already owns two of those three [and also this site!].

What the Wizard wrote: Many of us at Facebook spent most of today discussing how best to move forward. One approach would have been to quickly amend the new terms with new language to clarify our positions further. Another approach was simply to revert to our old terms while we begin working on our next version. As we thought through this, we reached out to respected organizations to get their input.

Translation: As in: More yelling by Sheryl and Elliott and more Fedexing of lawyers to MySpace HQ in Beverly Hills.

But after we calmed down, we all decided the best course of action was to shoot ourselves in the right foot to stop the bleeding from when we shot our left foot before.

We are, of course, completely out of feet now, so if these hijinks continue, sooner or later, someone is going to lose an eye. By someone, I mean, um, me.

What the Wizard wrote: Going forward, we’ve decided to take a new approach towards developing our terms. We concluded that returning to our previous terms was the right thing for now. As I said yesterday, we think that a lot of the language in our terms is overly formal and protective so we don’t plan to leave it there for long.

Translation: Facebook, of course, never had any intention of stealing content and copyright! Perish the thought! After all, that’s the job of Google (GOOG)!

By contrast, ours is to collect incredibly embarrassing photos of everyone in the United States until one of them runs for president, and then our nefarious scheme to control the world begins.

We were planning on blackmailing the world for one billllliiiion dollars then, but Microsoft kind of forked over 15 times that without any pressure.

Still, we would like to own Palo Alto, Calif., and get free parking 24/7, so there will be demands!

Until then, enjoy the sheep-throwing. Mwaahahahahahahaha! (Quick visual: I am petting my white cat right now with Ernst Stavro Blofeld-like evil glee, and am, of course, cackling.)

What the Wizard wrote: More than 175 million people use Facebook. If it were a country, it would be the sixth most populated country in the world. Our terms aren’t just a document that protect our rights; it’s the governing document for how the service is used by everyone across the world. Given its importance, we need to make sure the terms reflect the principles and values of the people using the service.

Translation: Not to be completely and utterly arrogant or anything, but we just passed Pakistan, and those Brazilians better get ready to samba.

By the way, once we get to No. 1–look out, China!–we plan on decreeing that everyone in the world speak Pig Latin and that forthwith it will be flip-flop Fridays.

Also: Esyay, Iway amway anway alienway omfray anotherway anetplay.

What the Wizard wrote: Our next version will be a substantial revision from where we are now. It will reflect the principles I described yesterday around how people share and control their information, and it will be written clearly in language everyone can understand. Since this will be the governing document that we’ll all live by, Facebook users will have a lot of input in crafting these terms.

Translation: Ybay ethay ayway, “Otay Ervesay Anmay”? It’sway away ookbookcay.

In other words, I am sure you will make delicious contributions, after which Facebook will “invite” you to our world-wide HQ to share in a lovely meal.

Especially those Winklevii. I look forward to the twins coming by soon!

What the Wizard wrote: You have my commitment that we’ll do all of these things, but in order to do them right it will take a little bit of time. We expect to complete this in the next few weeks. In the meantime, we’ve changed the terms back to what existed before the February 4th change, which was what most people asked us for and was the recommendation of the outside experts we consulted.

Translation: To my credit, I did give in much quicker than with the Beacon ad snafu. And you thought I learned nothing during that debacle!

And, by outside experts, I mean Microsoft (MSFT) CEO Steve Ballmer, who yells much, much louder than Sheryl or Elliot combined.

What the Wizard wrote: If you’d like to get involved in crafting our new terms, you can start posting your questions, comments and requests in the group we’ve created–Facebook Bill of Rights and Responsibilities. I’m looking forward to reading your input.

Translation: Here’s my first pass, based on the U.S. Bill of Rights, Amendment I:

Facebook shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition Faebook for a redress of grievances.*

*Exceptway, ithway ymay ompletecay iscretionday, enwhay Iway
ecideday otherwiseway.

“Today the Samba team announced that they’re satisfied with the agreement, and are taking a Work Group Server Protocol Program trade secret and copyright license,” Microsoft Director of Platform and Technology Strategy Sam Ramji wrote in a post to the Microsoft Port 25 blog. “This will give them access to Microsoft specifications for the protocols in WSPP (such as file, print, and user and group administrative services) and allow the Samba team to create, use and distribute implementations. I expect this will significantly improve the process of Samba development, and produce better quality inter-operation between Windows and Linux/Unix environments. … This is an historic moment, and one that I’m proud of.”

As he should be. Even if it did come under duress.

Samba, which has been struggling valiantly for years to support Windows server protocols, was understandably overjoyed to finally ink such a deal. “They’re giving us all the documentation to make everything work,” Jeremy Allison, co-author of Samba, told InfoWorld. “We will have no more excuses to suck … if we don’t have something, we won’t be able to say it’s not our fault we don’t know how to do it.”

(Incidentally, you’ll find Microsoft’s Holiday Gift Guide here. And boy, is it ever something: Traditional calendars for Excel! Three dozen Outlook add-ins! Oh, and thanks for the photo, “Encyclopedia Brown.”)

“Today the Samba team announced that they’re satisfied with the agreement, and are taking a Work Group Server Protocol Program trade secret and copyright license,” Microsoft Director of Platform and Technology Strategy Sam Ramji wrote in a post to the Microsoft Port 25 blog. “This will give them access to Microsoft specifications for the protocols in WSPP (such as file, print, and user and group administrative services) and allow the Samba team to create, use and distribute implementations. I expect this will significantly improve the process of Samba development, and produce better quality inter-operation between Windows and Linux/Unix environments. … This is an historic moment, and one that I’m proud of.”

As he should be. Even if it did come under duress.

Samba, which has been struggling valiantly for years to support Windows server protocols, was understandably overjoyed to finally ink such a deal. “They’re giving us all the documentation to make everything work,” Jeremy Allison, co-author of Samba, told InfoWorld. “We will have no more excuses to suck … if we don’t have something, we won’t be able to say it’s not our fault we don’t know how to do it.”

(Incidentally, you’ll find Microsoft’s Holiday Gift Guide here. And boy, is it ever something: Traditional calendars for Excel! Three dozen Outlook add-ins! Oh, and thanks for the photo, “Encyclopedia Brown.”)