The bad news, if you’re an Apple fan: Just like Apple’s other recent Siri ads, these don’t make Siri seem very cool.

In the first one, there’s at least the suggestion that Siri will help Malkovich find a restaurant where he can get some sausage. So that’s something, at least.

But the second one, where Malkovich is sitting around by himself, just killing time with his iPhone, without any discernible purpose?

That’s pretty realistic, actually. But it’s not fun to watch:

But, like I said, Malkovich really is cool. There are a gazillion furniture-chewing scenes I could pick to illustrate this, but for some reason I’ve always been partial to his preposterous Russian poker heavy, from “Rounders”:

Okay. So maybe you still feel a little funny, and/or like a self-parody. But an Apple ad is an Apple ad, so we will dutifully catalog it here.

As many people who catalog Apple ads have noted, this is the first time that Apple has used a celebrity in one of its campaigns for a very long time. The last one that the hivemind can recall: Jeff Goldblum hawking the original candy-colored iMac, back in the late 90s — way back when Apple was still pretty much a niche company:

Like political junkies waiting up for election returns (losers!), Silicon Valley folks, including tech journalists (losers!), are up this morning to await and then pounce on the long-expected IPO filing of Facebook.

But, several sources said, the social networking giant — as I have previously reported — will likely not file its copious documents until this afternoon, after the markets close, at the earliest.

In other words, my day is shot. Thanks, Dave Ebersman!

Sources said the filing could even possibly slip a day, as the company’s suits get busy with dotting all the I’s and crossing the T’s.

That’s unlikely, though — Facebook was actually founded the first Wednesday in February of 2004, like today eight years later.

Sentiment from the not-very-sentimental co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg? Awwwwwwww …

And, if those dudes rush, we might even see all the deets of the Silicon Valley darling’s finances and other info — including who’s got what shares and who doesn’t — earlier today. But don’t count on it.

That’s right — Facebook is sucking up even more of your precious time, and it is not even fun like beating your mother at Words With Friends or creepily poking old flames.

Facebook, Web 2.0′s most successful start-up, is expected to raise many billions of dollars on a valuation of tens of millions times that.

In other words, blah, blah, blah until we get the real numbers …

To send you off to IPO dreamland until then, here’s the genius viral video reading of the book “Go the F**k to Sleep,” read by Samuel L. Jackson:

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What more is there to say, except this viral video of actor Samuel L. Jackson reading a viral “children’s” book is hysterical.

Written by Adam Mansbach, the book has developed a cult following. It’s more for parents than for their children, of course, in the style of “Everyone Poops.”

While some might be offended by it, I have definitely felt this way too many times over the years trying to put my kids to bed.

[UPDATE: Audible requested I remove the original video clip I had embedded here, as it violated its copyright. I did, of course, immediately and then replaced it with their own below. But fair warning: Audible's is shorter and 87 percent less funny.]

Since John Paczkowski’s still out of range, Beth Callaghan will be posting Digital Daily today.

In a stunning turn of events over the weekend, both Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes passed away–Mac of complications from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease, and Hayes from as-yet unknown causes.

The immediate impact and response, of course, is displayed on the Web, with the now-customary ritual proliferation of tribute videos on YouTube–at last count, there were 188,000 for Isaac Hayes and 137,000 for Bernie Mac.

Legendary music icon Hayes was primarily known as the embodiment of ’70s soul. As composer of “Theme from Shaft,” he won a Grammy and established himself as the king of old-school cool. To younger generations, he’ll be remembered as the voice of “Chef” on Comedy Central’s “South Park”–a role he played from 1997-2006. Hayes was 65.

Still-rising star Bernie Mac reached prominence in Spike Lee’s 2000 film “The Original Kings of Comedy,” and starred in Steven Soderbergh’s “Ocean’s Eleven” films. His own sitcom, “The Bernie Mac Show,” ran from 2001 to 2006. His cutting-edge brand of humor set him apart from his contemporaries, and often received attention from critics. Mac was recently scolded by Barack Obama’s campaign after a surprise appearance at a fund-raiser for the presidential candidate during which he used crude language. He was 50.

The two had recently been shooting a film, “Soul Men,” in which they were starring alongside Samuel L. Jackson.